My photo
Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Friday, January 29, 2016

So....

That declaration I made a few posts back... It kinda scares the shit out of me. I'm afraid to get into too much detail about it (especially publicly) because experience and PTSD has programmed me to believe that these kinds of good things don't last and the rug will soon get ripped out from underneath me. But I'm really working to stay positive about it and not let that overshadow the amazingness that's been happening.


I'm a little at war with myself... The fearless widow in me is thinking, "life is short!" and, "when you know, you know!" However, the cautious, skeptical side that's always been a part of me thinks, "time is the determining factor here." Either way, this person is currently a part of our lives, and has been for a long time as a distant friend for many years. He's offered his support to us countless times throughout this journey and every time, I've turned him down. Time HAS proven that he is sincere and true to his word, which is huge in my world. And pretty huge for my children, as I've actually let him meet them. Well, he met them when I wasn't interested in him in "that" way, or he still probably wouldn't have met them yet, but ironically, it's their meeting that has resulted in all this...

So far, this relationship (oh God, I said relationship) has made me deal with some deep-seeded stuff that I haven't wanted to deal with for about seven years. It's dug some stuff up for me which has been healthy and healing. I'm praying this isn't just some stepping stone or lesson I've needed to progress to the next stage (like I'm in some real life video game that keeps reaching more levels with every fricken obstacle).

When I'm a little more sure-footed with all this good stuff, I will be happy to shout from the rooftops.  Until then, please project some positive juju, good vibes, prayers, love, etc. on us that this is the real deal, and that he's not gonna die anytime soon.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hoping you will soon be shouting from the roof tops!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, sounds like good things are happening!!!!!

Andrea Renee said...

I hope so, too!!

And yes- good things for sure!

glenda said...

Wow! wow! wow! I'm so happy for you! I hope you will share more and shout it from the roof tops. Long time reader :) I'm so happy for you! My mom never remarried... widowed 28 years and then she passed. You make me wonder if she too felt that the next person will die and leave her alone once again.