Well, it's time to write....
In two months, it'll be seven years.
When Sydney turned seven, I thought of something I had heard of a long time ago - how our cells regenerate and by every seventh year of life, every cell in our body is different than it was seven years before. I'm not sure if that's scientifically true or not, but that thought has always stuck with me.
So now I'm thinking, the kids and I all have different cells than we did when Matt was alive. Isn't that a crazy way to think? That would mean that the skin he touched when he touched me, when he hugged the kids and tickled their little legs, is all new... Who thinks like this??
Lately I've been having a tough time, and this low is lasting longer and has been a bit deeper than it has been in quite a while. Not sure if it has anything to do with the seven year thing, or maybe it's because I'm finally allowing myself to feel stuff I've been repressing for the last seven years, where normally when I feel a wave coming on, I would either stifle it or distract myself with something I shouldn't. I'm also learning to ask for help which is a HUGE step for me.
Hoping this means when I climb out of this rut, I just may come out of it a little more healed and healthier than before.