My photo
Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Better and better each day...

I feel like I've finally crawled out of that hole I was in, and boy do I feel a million times better! I have a sense of renewal and hope - what a difference. Such a difference in the kids, too - kinda makes my heart ache that they're so directly affected by my moods.

My sister reminded me to be kind to myself- it's the self talk that can really mess us up, and I hadn't been very kind to myself lately. So now that I'm seeing the light of day again, I'll try not to beat myself up for the fact that I probably put my kids through hell while I was going through mine.

Because I'm also feeling better physically (to which I really give Tae Kwon Do credit for this), it's making such a difference mentally. It's so freaking fun, and I'm finding it's not so hard to put my socks on in the morning! It's the little things... =)

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Turning a corner.

What a relief!

The kids and I started taking Tae Kwon Do together a few weeks ago, and we are all absolutely loving it!! Jacob hasn't taken an interest in any sports, but he is doing amazing on the piano. I wanted him to get involved in something physical, and I suggested TKD to him a while back, but he wasn't interested. Sydney took ballet for two years, but this year she decided she didn't want to continue. She was interested in trying hip hop, but they didn't offer a class in her age group. She had taken a brief TKD course through her elementary school last year and loved it, but when I asked her if she was interested in taking it regularly, she said no.

Because of my funk, aches and pains, low energy, etc., I decided it was time for me to become more physically active, and I had the idea that we ALL can benefit from Tae Kwon Do! All three of us can use the physical and mental exercise, focus, discipline, and it's something we can do together as a family. Win win win! I didn't give the kids a choice - I told them (and myself!) that we are all doing this together, and that's that.

It worked!! Sometimes it's better to not have a choice... They are totally into it and doing so well (and so am I). It's great bonding time for us, too. Even though we're together all the time (except when they're in school), we still don't have a whole lot of time together, and this has been great quality time as a family.

Between this, making some headway with the foundation stuff, and getting more organized than ever in the house, I'm feeling MUCH more together and sane. Phew! =)

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Long Draw...

Well, it's time to write....

In two months, it'll be seven years.

When Sydney turned seven, I thought of something I had heard of a long time ago - how our cells regenerate and by every seventh year of life, every cell in our body is different than it was seven years before. I'm not sure if that's scientifically true or not, but that thought has always stuck with me.

So now I'm thinking, the kids and I all have different cells than we did when Matt was alive. Isn't that a crazy way to think? That would mean that the skin he touched when he touched me, when he hugged the kids and tickled their little legs, is all new... Who thinks like this??

Lately I've been having a tough time, and this low is lasting longer and has been a bit deeper than it has been in quite a while. Not sure if it has anything to do with the seven year thing, or maybe it's because I'm finally allowing myself to feel stuff I've been repressing for the last seven years, where normally when I feel a wave coming on, I would either stifle it or distract myself with something I shouldn't. I'm also learning to ask for help which is a HUGE step for me.

Hoping this means when I climb out of this rut, I just may come out of it a little more healed and healthier than before.