My photo
Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Fabulous Forty

I turned 40 years old in October, and I'm actually happy about it! 

It might sound strange to some, but not only am I grateful to have made it to 40, I finally feel like a full-fledged grown-up!

Matt was 39 and didn't have the luxury to reach that milestone. I was just beginning to plan his surprise 40th birthday about the time of his accident... His mom and I were thinking of maybe a trip to Vegas with the family, or maybe some other ideas, but we didn't have the chance to get much further with it. Hell, I didn't even get the chance to give him the National Lampoons Christmas Vacation DVD I finally got for him for Christmas that I had stashed under our bed.

For the first time, I sincerely feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel confident in my decisions, even if they end up to be wrong. Mistakes can be good - they're an opportunity to learn and heal. I feel a sense of freedom that I've never felt before that I can't even describe. It's OK to make mistakes. It's OK to not be perfect. It's human, and it's growth. It's about learning and having fun in the process. Isn't that what life is about, anyway? 

I'm at peace with those pimples that still keep popping up, the greys that I'm now covering, the wrinkles around my eyes that I need to pull on to get my eyeliner to go on smoothly... The flap of skin over my belt when I sit down, my long, skinny toes that are rather freakish (if I ever lose a finger, I'm good to go), and those damn chin hairs that I used to make fun of on my mom. I ask people to repeat a little more often (I blame the speakers at the club I used to dance next to back in the day, and sometimes still do), and the prescription keeps changing for my contacts. Even the damn hot flashes and mood swings. But you know what? It's all just a part of it. It's all okay.

My 30's were filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows; I'm hoping that this decade brings with it some peace and serenity. I'm ready for it. 


SmileyGirl said...

Happy Birthday and so glad you are enjoying it.

glenda said...

Here's to a decade of peace and serenity to you!

Anonymous said...

"If I ever lose a finger I"m good to go"

Anonymous said...

enjoyed this post very much! love your writing and the last paragraph had me laughing a bit - the part about the speakers from the dance clubs - lol - and this "if I ever lose a finger, I'm good to go…" bahaha

anyhow, here's to the 40's - cheers!

Katie said...

Happy Belated :)

Andrea Renee said...

Thanks, everyone! =)