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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Friday, September 27, 2013

I get it...

Thank you so much to those who gave their input to my last post.... I've come to the conclusion that the biggest issue has to do with my own, and not necessarily Sydney's. As a matter of fact, when I think back, I was JUST like her. Huggy, kissy.... I chased boys around the classroom in 2nd and 3rd grade trying to kiss them (actually it was just Scott Parker) and the classroom bodyguard (Dan Sanford) protected him from me. That was the beginning...

Her being that way doesn't necessarily have anything to do with not having her daddy here (my dad was part time as it was/is)... It just could be the way she's built. Maybe she's like me. Needing/wanting the  extra reassurance that we're loved, wanted, valued. Doesn't everyone want that?

So her problem isn't her problem - it's mine. There's nothing wrong with my girl - I suppose there's a part of me that doesn't want her to seek comfort and love from anyone but me. It just seems safer that way.


Sunday, September 8, 2013

Sentenced to Life.

Matt is so present with the kids lately. A day hasn't gone by recently that Sydney hasn't mentioned Daddy's name - either to ask if he liked that song on the radio, or if that song was out when Daddy was alive, or that she wants to show Daddy something or give him something, and then imagines his reaction to it. 

I'm a bit concerned that Sydney clings to men as much as she does... My boyfriend is awesome, but I don't necessarily want her to be all over him, or the uncle I rarely see, or my nephew who visits every so often, or my friends' husbands... Is this normal for little girls, or just little girls who are craving/deprived of daddy's attention and presence? What do I do about this??

Jacob and I have been talking about him more often, too. 

It warms my heart to think that even though Matt's not physically here, his spirit and memory will be with the kids and me always, and in the same way, it still fucking hurts.