After four years, I think I've finally realized something pretty important.
I will never get over Matt's death. Never. And it pisses me off - I mean, really, truly angers me deeply, when someone implies that I should be over it. I wouldn't have expected that reaction from myself at this point; especially since I thought that's where I should be at by now, too. But having gotten to this point, I now have an understanding that only those have who have been through a similar experience:
You don't get over it. You get through.
I'm not saying I will never love another - I'm still open to that possibility someday, but if/when I do, he will not "get me over" losing Matt. He will have to accept that Matt will always be a part of me. A part of our children. A part of our lives. And hold a big part of our hearts. He will have to be patient, understanding, empathetic and kind. And patient. Did I mention patient?
But I am so not in a place in my life right now where I'm willing to invite that "someone" into my heart. I was, but not now. Not for a long time, and I'm completely OK with that. I've finally gotten it through my head that what I need and want in my life are my children, my friends and my family. That's all. And some peace.