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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Christmas Music

It's that time of year, and today's the day... diging out the tree and all the rest of the crap that goes with it. The kids are having a BLAST, and we're listening to Christmas music as we deck the halls.

Christmas music - which I've always loved - is both joyful and horribly depressing at the same time. I'm really trying to not be a downer and share in my children's happiness for the holiday season. I have tons to be grateful for. Plus, it's our first Christmas (of many to come) in our new home. I really am happy, but I feel down at the same time. Someone slap me so I can snap out of this.

I have to laugh though - whenever I hear "Feliz Navidad" I think of Matt and how intensely he loathed that song. He'd make a mad dash to the radio to change the station when it would come on, nearly knocking everything over on his way. He didn't much care for Christmas music, but he did like the Transiberian Orchestra's take on it...

Did you ever notice how many Christmas songs revolve around a love lost or being apart for the holidays? Geez.


Sydney took some of the photo albums off the shelf in the living room to look at (I keep them within reach so they can have access to them anytime they want), and two of them fell apart. Aside from that, Sydney is looking at the pictures going, "Daddy Daddy Daddy!!!" She's been talking about Matt a whole lot lately (which is good but man sometimes it's hard for me).

Jacob joins in to look at pictures and comes across the ones from one of the times he and Matt found a snake in the back yard. They used to like looking for snakes (gardner ones - not harmful at all). He takes one of the pictures out of the album and says he wants to put it in a frame for his room, then he starts bawling. Tears streaming down his face. He's having a moment, too, my poor boy.

I did a great job of keeping my game face on all day, even when Jacob had his moment.

I'm whooped and going to bed, grateful for this day, but even more grateful that it's over.

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