Well, the good news is, since Jacob has played that CD about 563 more times since my last post, I'm beginning to become desensitized to it, and starting to form new associations to the music - for instance, both kids singing along together. Bittersweet...
I love my sister so much. I texted her a few days ago to ask her if she still has her old phone since Verizon is charging us for not returning it, and fortunately she does. I called her today to share my victories in organizing my house with her, and she said that one of the first thoughts she had when she got my text about the phone was that I'm making progress because I'm actually looking at my bills!!! Hahaha!! She knows me better than anyone in this world.
For some reason, when someone is going through a difficult emotional time (I learned recently that this isn't just associated with a loss, but with a major funk of any kind), the bills seem to be the first thing that suffers. I don't know why, but it seems like any incoming mail (good or bad) ends up in piles and pushed aside. Bills or not, there the piles sit... It takes almost everything you've got to build up the gumption to sit down and open up the envelopes and deal with their contents. It's only very recently that I've started (mostly) keeping up with the mail that comes in. For some reason, the same applies to outgoing mail - that's even harder for some reason. I know I owe a million people thank-you's for a million different things, birthday cards, etc..... My apologies to everyone. I've thought about it LOTS, so if it's truly the thought that counts, then I might be in the clear.
My sister recognized the fact that I not only must have opened the Verizon bill, but actually LOOKED at it and am even questioning it! For her to "get" that was so amazing to me. It even opened up my eyes to see that I'm making more progress than I even thought! Thank you, Michelle!!!!
I've been living in California now for almost two years - it's only been two and a half since Matt's death - and it seems I might FINALLY be getting settled. Even though I may have made it "look" like I had it together shortly after we arrived, it's taken me this long.
And I'll let you in on a little secret.... There are probably lots of books, articles, etc. out there with tips and tricks for getting organized, but I had a simple revelation recently that put it all into perspective (and you're getting it here for free - he he):
"Every thing should have a designated place. If it doesn't, either you make a designated place for it, or you get rid of it."
I'm gonna live by that from now on. The kids and I have been designating a place for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. and what a huge difference it's making on the organization and cleanliness of our home. I still have some work to do, but I've made huge strides this past week! My dining room table is clear, and I can even see the surface of my dresser! AND, I haven't gotten any past due notices lately, either! (knock on wood)
Little by little..... and it also proves once again- three steps back, a big leap forward... So when you're feeling down on yourself because it seems like you're regressing instead of progressing, keep in mind it's the precurser to the big leap. Just have to remind myself of this when I start regressing again. I know it'll happen - this is my life now. It makes me truly appreciate these leaps.
The kids and I have an extremely busy summer planned, and it starts this weekend - headed to San Diego for a reunion with all the Rows, then the kids and I are headed up to northern California to visit friends and do some sight-seeing, then in August it's Camp Widow in San Diego, then a visit to Buffalo. I can already tell this summer is gonna fly, and before we know it, the kids will be back in school.
I'm probably being overly ambitious with our plans, so we need all the (good) luck - and energy - I can get!