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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Train music.

Jacob has this "All Aboard" CD from John Denver... Back when I worked at Gow, before Matt died, one of the parents and I got talking about our kids (among many other things) and she recommended this CD to me for Jacob because of his love of trains. It's full of train songs, and we used to play it all the time. It's upbeat, happy music that Jacob got a thrill out of listening to. Right after Matt died, when my house was full of people, Jacob really wanted to play the CD again. I couldn't deny him. So, had Matt just died, I have a silent houseful of people, and this happy music that used to bring so much joy to our home was playing - it was all a very strange irony.

Fast forward to this home, two and a half years later. Jacob found the John Denver CD that we used to play all the time. That played that day. He was SO excited to find it, and I was excited for him! Until he played it. As I listened to the music, my heart sank and took me right back to the last day I heard that music. It's been playing over and over again for the last 3 hours. Thank god it's bedtime (well, a bit past now) or I think I'd have to jump off a nearby cliff.

4 comments:

Sandy said...

Thinking of you and praying with you!

Shonquinta said...

They say time heals all wounds, but they fail to state that triggers still pop up during the grieving process. You are not alone :) Praying for your comfort.

Bella said...

If it brings Jacob happiness then you just have to key into his happiness instead of the sad memory. Hugs...

Janine (txmomx6) said...

Sigh .....
That's all .... just a sigh.
Because so much good can still hurt so very much.
Holding you close .....