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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Lapses in Memory...

A couple of weeks ago I was talking with my oldest nephew Michael who said he's thinking of coming to California to visit this summer. I was so excited and started thinking of all the things I can share with him from my new life on this coast.

I said, "You'll get to see my house!"

Michael: "Did you move?"

Me: "No - I haven't moved since I moved to L.A....?"

Michael: "Then I already saw it when I was out last year."

Me: "Oh my god."

How is it possible that I could I have forgotten about my nephew's visit?!

Then, I was talking with my cousin Lorinda who recently got engaged and is planning her wedding. Lorinda and her fiance Dan live in Texas, and will be getting married there. I'll be standing up in her wedding (YAY!!) and when we were talking about it the other day, I told her how excited I am that I'll finally get to meet her fiance! She said I already met him once - when they were in Buffalo the summer after Matt died, right before I moved.

This time it wasn't quite as shocking, but it still surprised me that I could have such sizable chunks of my life escape my memory like that from that first year and a half after Matt's death. Why can't those memories be the ones I really would prefer not to remember, like the morning of, and just about every single detail and emotion for the next few days after that?

I wonder what else I don't remember...


Wendy said...

Here's another one...we actually did meet briefly at Camp Widow last year! Not that I'd expect you to remember that one:). Just kind of funny timing. And trust me, I deal with this all the time. It is scary.

Jennifer M Karn said...

I never experienced such significant memory loss until Kevin died. I think people don't believe me when I tell them about my memory issues over the past 2.8 years. They look at me like I'm crazy.

Apparently, I have forgotten lots of things. My friends and family tell me things and I think, "No way was I there" or "that doesn't even ring a bell" or "you've got to be kidding me? I did that?"

Robin said...

Andrea- As someone who rarely forgot anything and was always on top of things until my husband died, I understand this post completely. I think the same thing....what else did I forget?? I believe my mind has changed in other ways too...real, deep and complicated ways that will affect the rest of my life profoundly. I look at my "old" mind as so innocent/carefree/able to cope. My "new" mind is complex/scarred and strives for understanding and acceptance. I hope for peace for you and that you have many happy days in the near future. :)