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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Ides of March.

Again, so many thoughts... swirling around my head, multiplying... This time, they're not keeping me awake; I'm too exhausted to have anything keep me awake these days, but they do stop me in my tracks during the day and cause me to forget what I'm doing for the moment, and it takes me forever to accomplish one thing from start to finish. Well, I've had that challenge for about two and a half years...

When I was growing up, my mom always dreaded the month of March. She told me nothing good ever happens that month. It started with her grandmother's death in March, then her mother, then her mother's sister (years apart, of course).

Fortunately, I never paid much attention to that, and March wasn't tainted for me. It's only recently that I've started to realize that March does seem to have a dark cloud over it. My good friend's wife died in late March, and soon as March 1st hit, I think of him, her, and the baby she left behind, and how difficult this month is for him. Our mutual friend's husband died that very same day, leaving her behind with two young children. March 4 was the 2nd anniversary of my friend Jeff's death, and he left behind a wife and three kids.

Last week, on March 6, at the age of 72, my godmother passed away. She was my mom's best friend for 43 years, and our families grew up together. She had seven children who all now have children of their own, and even some of those kids have kids. I so wanted to go back to Buffalo for them and for my mom, but the airfare and car rental for the kids and I would have totaled $3K (and that was the best deal I could find). My heart has been on that side of the country for the past week and a half. My godmother suffered - much more than she ever lead on, I'm sure. I don't like it that she's not here anymore, but I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, either. She's reunited with her husband, and probably having a beer with mine. My mom called me from the funeral brunch, which was taking place at the same location where Matt and I had our wedding reception. For that reason alone, I'm relieved that we didn't go - I could not have handled that.


Michelle said...

This Wednesday will be the 10 year anniversary since my grandma died- another March loss. :( She was one of my favorite people in the whole world!

kurai1 said...

Even though you weren't with us physically, we knew you were with us in spirit. My mom always said of you - that you were/are stronger than people thought you were. You've proven that over and over again these past years.
As you said, mom is not struggling any longer. She is finally at peace. We will miss her, but her love of all of us (the Schueler's and Gordon's) and our love for her will go on in all we do.
Thanks for you thoughts and prayers.
Love you--Lynn

Andrea Renee said...


Lynn, thank you so much for this message - it means so much to me. Continued thoughts and prayers for all of you. Love you, too... xoxo