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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Arms of the Angel

This song by Sarah McLaughlin has had meaning for Matt and I from way early on in our relationship. It was played on the radio often during that time, and so I've always had a strong association with Matt with this song - probably more than any other song. It wasn't until I heard this song at some point after he died that I realized the irony of that, and it crushes me every time I hear it. Crushes me, and brings me comfort at the same time in a strange way.

It's Christmas night and the kids and I had an awesome day at home, opening gifts, playing with all the new toys, and just enjoying the heck out of each other. Their Christmas spirit totally rubbed off on me and I felt joy all day, and so blessed that I have these amazing kids. Now that the stress of the holiday was off, I thoroughly enjoyed their company and was relaxed and happy all day. Even missing Matt so much somehow didn't dampen my spirit much today (a true Christmas miracle in my book!).

After talking to one of my closest mutual friends of Matt's yesterday, we discovered that we both had "visit" dreams of him either on the same night, or one day apart in December (see previous post). Coincidence? I don't think so. I believe that he comes to us occasionally for a visit and makes the rounds. I relish in those, and I know anyone who experiences the same thing does, too.

Tonight after such a magical Christmas Day, the kids are in bed, the house is quiet, and I'm folding laundry while listening to the last of the Christmas music on the radio before it switches back to regular programming. My mind is wandering between the calmness and beauty of today with the kids, the fun we had with my brother and his family yesterday when they celebrated Christmas Eve at our house with us (for the first time in many years), Christmases past with Matt, and everything in between. At midnight, the regular programming resumed, and the very first song played was Arms of the Angel by Sarah McLaughlin. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Merry Christmas, My Love.


Bella said...

This song also resonates with me. My husband died 3/14/98 and this song seemed to always be on the radio. As with you it crushes me and lifts me up at the same time. I also believe they come to visit us in our dreams...thank goodness.

Michelle said...

Thanks for sharing this update. :) I'm glad you had a special Christmas with your kids. Your story about the song made me cry. It was popular when my dad died (1999) and it always reminds me of him. Those we've lost are always with us.

Carol Scibelli said...

Hi Andrea,
Beautiful song and more beautiful because it's a visit from your late husband - No coincdence...that's my story and I'm sticking to it...
Wish I had dreams of my husband...he died in April 2006...three visits...always mad at idea why.

Anonymous said...

This is a gentle reminder... :)

About a year ago, I asked if you planned to put any pictures up. You said it was your new year's resolution. But, there have been no pics....

Do you plan on putting any up? Again, just a gentle question. I know you are busy and have a lot to deal with besides catering to some random blog reader from Ohio! :)

Anyways, I LOVE your blog and have been reading it for well over a year. I found it through Matt's. I have referred a few recent widows to it. I admire your strength and honesty. Thank you for sharing!

-Michele in Ohio

Andrea Renee said...

Hi Michele,
Since I made that resolution, other bloggers had some serious issues with pictures of their children being taken and used for other purposes, and I changed my mind about posting pictures on my blog. I still might on occasion, but it will be infrequent. Sorry to disappoint, but I want to protect my children and their privacy. I'm sure you understand! Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you continue to! =)

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, I totally understand! I figured that's what it was... but I also figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. :) I basically feel the same way. I have a 6-month-old son, and I have a select few pictures of him on Facebook (mostly for family out of state) but my privacy settings are set very high, and it irks me when others post his picture without asking me. Anyways, go take care of your little ones, and thanks again for inspiring me.

-Michele in Ohio