It's taken me some time to recover from that trip to Buffalo. I've finally stopped twitching the past couple of weeks or so which is a good sign... It took me some time to write about it - first, because I just simply lost my writing momentum being away from my computer for so long, and second, because I knew it was going to stir up a lot of the emotions I repressed while there. Sure enough, it did. The good thing about that, is it helped me to face them and also made me realize that I truly consider Pasadena "home" now.
After Matt died, I was completely displaced. I didn't feel at home even in my home anymore. Home was with him, which is something I didn't even quite understand the concept of when he was alive. It didn't matter too much where I decided to live after he died because at that point, I didn't belong anywhere. Now I feel like I do, and that's such a good feeling.
Things have really started looking up since our return from Buffalo (after the twitchy part was over). It almost feels like a new beginning. For one, the kids have started school. Yes, BOTH of them! Jacob started first grade, and Sydney is in her first year of preschool. She's in a full day program right at the same school Jacob is in! I can go grocery shopping in peace, clean my house with no interruption, and have finally begun to get things in order so I can start working again on getting my business in operation. I feel like a new woman!
Jacob is doing very well in school, and is also involved with the after-school program which he enjoys immensely. I always get so many compliments from the people in that program about what a good boy he is - he's a great helper that doesn't even need to be asked to help, a good listener, and a pleasure to have in the program. No sweeter words for a mommy to hear!
Sydney absolutely LOVES preschool. She was so ready... Her first day, and she never even looked back at me as I walked away from her. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled that she's so well adjusted, but I couldn't believe she never looked back at me once! As a natural little nurturer, she's been a great support to her peers who have had a tougher time adjusting to being away from their parents. She is adored by her teachers, too, and I get the same sort of compliments with her as I do with Jacob. I am so blessed!
I had a meeting with a really neat lady a few days ago that was so inspiring. My next door neighbor who works with her son actually put me in touch with her. She owns her own business that not only trains teachers to instruct students with dyslexia, but also tutors students. She actually worked at The Gow School for several consecutive summers with their Teacher Training Institute, and knows most of the people I know from there - what a small world! When I first went into her office, I noticed the Gow tissue box cover on her shelf, and I instantly felt at home! She gave me some great advice and suggestions, and confirmed for me that I'm on the right track with things, which was very reassuring.
At last, I feel like I'm finally beginning to get a foothold on this new life I've been forced into.