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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Reclaiming some sanity...

My wonderful brother took the kids one day for me while I got caught up on some stuff... I got SO much accomplished! I've been feeling frazzled, stressed out, sad, you name it. On the edge. I made it through Matt's birthday, our wedding anniversary on the 27th and everything in between by the skin of my teeth and just needed a breather. 

I debated on getting a pedicure or some other pampering treat for myself for the day my brother had the kids, but decided for my sanity, and for my kids' sakes, it would be best for me to attend to things that have been looming over my head. For example, registering for the 5K in my husband's honor. Booking the hotel room for that weekend. Confirming that the car rental really is going to include a car seat. Paying bills. Doing a little Soaring Spirits work. Laundry. Cleaning. Accomplishing all that felt as good (or better) than pampering, and saved myself a few bucks, too! While I did all that, Jacob and Sydney were having a great time with Uncle Bryan, as they usually do. Thank you, Bryan!
 
Also, thank you to the oodles of thoughtful friends and family who gave me so much love and support on what would have been our eighth wedding anniversary. I did my best to focus on being thankful for having Matt in my life in the first place, and even getting to marry the love of my life and have his children, but it's a real challenge to not have the feelings of being completely ripped off trump any positive thoughts. 

For as unlucky as I am to have lost my favorite man in the whole world, I'm very fortunate in nearly every other aspect of my life - including having so many wonderful people who care about us so much.

Right now,  I'm focused on getting ready for the kids and I to travel to Arizona to visit with more of Matt's family. Then I'll be leaving them with his parents while I drive down to San Diego for Camp Widow. I'm SO looking forward to a fun weekend with my widowed peeps, and of lessened responsibilities - although I'm somehow already missing my kids just anticipating being away from them for so long!

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Arizona? Where in Arizona?

Don't forget that I'm in Tucson ...

Emmy said...

I heard this song and I thought of you. I don't know if it is something you would want to listen to but I will post it anyway.

It is by Danny Gokey and it is called I Will Not Say Goodbye. I know by watching American Idol that his wife had died.

"I Will Not Say Goodbye"

Sometimes your world just ends
It changes everything you've been
And all that's left to be
Is empty, broken, lonely, hoping

I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on
And I don't wanna feel better
And I don't wanna not remember,
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying,

If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone
And I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse, I will pray, I will re-live everyday
I will show through the blame
I'll shout out your name
I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
I will not say goodbye
I will not say...

<3 CMV said...

That feeling you got after finishing all those chores that had been looming over your head??
My girlfriends and I, We call that a choregasim! :)