My photo
Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Almost a dream come true.

About a month ago I found out that Cameron canceled Matt's phone, right about the same time they attempted to take our Workers' Compensation payments from the kids and I. Actually, Matt's mom found out the hard way by calling it and instead of hearing his voice on the other end, she got a message that the service had been discontinued.

We were so thankful that they kept his phone in tact so we could hear his voice. I even posted about it a while back.

I tried calling it initially to hear for myself but hadn't tried since, until the other day. I thought I'd try one more time just for the heck of it in case they fixed it, and I got a generic voice mail message, but no Matt's voice. I actually thought maybe they attempted to get the voice mail back to the way it was.

Later that day, my phone rang. I looked at it, and it said it was coming from Matt. MY Matt.

It felt like I looked at the phone for a good 30 seconds before I picked it up, and I had to actually tell myself to answer it before it stopped ringing. So, I opened the phone and said a very wary, "Hello?"

I've had many daydreams of this very scenario... Matt calling me on my cell, reaching out to me from the great beyond. Unfortunately, we don't have that good of a long distance plan.

The voice on the other end wasn't Matt's. It was some random guy wondering who I was, calling his phone earlier that day. He had just been assigned that number the day before I callled it.

So now Matt's number belongs to some other guy. I still can't bring myself to delete it from my contacts list. I don't think I ever will, but it's hard knowing that not only will I never hear his voice again from that line, but it now belongs to a stranger.


Meghan said...

oh andrea, that must have been so hard to hear another man's voice. when i lost my mom i had a voicemail from her saved on my phone, since my dad had immediately given her phone to my younger sister... anyways, i would call and listen to this saved voicemail, once a day, if not more. one night i was missing her really bad and was listening to it over and over and sobbing, and i accidentally pressed 7 instead of 9. deleted the message, right then and there. my heart broke into a million pieces again, just like the night she died. i can only imagine how you feel knowing some other man is running around with his number, and the sound of his voice is gone. i am so sorry. sending my love <3

Kris said...

I'm so sorry, Andrea. Chris' number is still in my contact list too - both his cell and work number. I feel the same way as you.
Thinking of you -

megan said...

the day I had matt's phone turned off, I sent a text to him, just saying I love you. I still have his number in my phone list, he is still on speed dial. Sometimes I want to call his number, hear his voice. I wonder how many people call him, not knowing yet that he is not reachable by phone anymore. I did call everyone in his phone book to tell them about his drowning, but I know I missed people somewhere.

He had been out hiking in the mountains the week before, and had left me a message, which I had saved, but forgotten about until a couple days after he died. He'd said, "wherever you are, I am 9000 feet above you, just across the earth. Taking some pictures so I can show you. Got some bars up here, hope you get this." He'd also sent a picture of him, up there in the clouds on top of mountains.
The phone company couldn't save the voicemail. The nice kid at radio shack found a way to record it onto tape for me. Listened to it for the first time in months the other day - so glad to hear his voice, so hard to hear his voice.


Anonymous said...

This broke my heart. How strange it must've been to see his name. And now that number belongs to someone else? That's just not fair.

Mama_Bear_Sarah said...

brett's name is still in my contacts list too.

Crash Course Widow said...

Andrea, I *still* have Charley's email address and phone number saved in my phone, and it's been almost 5 years. And I've or 4 cell phones since he died. Sometimes it surprises me to see it there, nestled among the other Cs in my address book on my phone. But it's still kinda nice to see it, I wouldn't have the slightest clue what his cell phone number was (or possibly his email address) if it wasn't still saved.

I didn't disconnect or cancel his phone number until almost 2 years later--we'd, of course, just signed up for a new 2-year contract 2 months before he died and they told me at the time that I couldn't cancel his without paying the $175 fee (and I didn't know better to argue about it)--but I hadn't kept his phone charged and able to receive incoming calls since a few months after he died. I couldn't quite get rid of the phone number altogether, but I didn't want it near me either.

So I get it. Totally. And in a weird way, it was easier having it gone. But that may just be me....

Hugs, my friend! Less than 2 months and I get to see you!! Squeal!! ;o)

Karen said...

That must have been just shocking to see his name come up on caller ID and have that precious moment to fantasize. I am sorry that you lost that particular treasure of his voice.
My husband goes away on a lot of fishing and golfing trips and I do save all of his voicemails until he is home safe and sound, just in case... .