Today is my sweet little love's 6th birthday. Unfortunately, my kids' birthdays are a major "grief trigger" for me. This is the second time Matt is missing Jacob's birthday, and it's not any easier. We have to be happy, sing, and celebrate - without his daddy.
When grief is triggered for me, I struggle to function, and this is when I need to be at my best. It doesn't help that I'm getting sick on top of it. I need to pull myself together, bake a cake, bake cupcakes for his class tomorrow (today is a half-day, so his class will have more time to enjoy their cupcakes tomorrow instead of today) and put on a happy face. I was going to take Jacob bowling this weekend, but I couldn't get it together enough to get out of the house yesterday, let alone take the kids bowling.
Since Sydney's birthday is at the end of this month, I usually combine their parties into one. I'm planning on having it on the 15th, but haven't sent out any invitations yet or made any concrete plans. It occurred to me yesterday that May 15 is exactly the year and a half mark of Matt's death. Great day for a party, huh. =(
I'll write a happy post related to Jacob's birthday, recounting the joy his birth brought Matt and me. But right now, I need to pretend I have the energy to get off my chair and bake when all I really want to do is bury my head and sleep.