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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Mystery solved.

Right before the first round of Rows showed up for the home improvement project, there was a flurry of activity at my house... I had the electrician here to fix the garage door because it wasn't staying closed - as soon as it would touch the ground, it would open back up (the sensor was off kilter). I had the heating guy here because the heat would only work sporadically (the ignitor needed replaced on the furnace). Then I had the ADT guy here to replace the contact on the sliding glass doors from my bedroom which was preventing me from arming the system.

After the first round of home improvements were done and everyone left, I noticed a ziploc bag of spackling compound on the dresser in my bedroom, and since my brother had patched some little holes made in the ceiling from when he insulated the attic, I thought maybe it was his. I brought it with me when I went to his house to see if it belonged to him, but he said it wasn't his.

During one of the trips to Home Depot with Greg, we got on the topic of Matt's ashes and how he brings them with him everywhere he goes to spread them in the places Matt would want to be. I had given Matt's parents all of his ashes right before I moved because I didn't want them packed by the movers, and I didn't want to carry them with me on the plane across the country. Ginny distributed some to all of his brothers, and was going to bring some for me when she came out this last time. When Greg was telling me about what he was doing with them, it reminded me that Ginny didn't give me ashes while she was out.

Then it hit me...

I said with a gulp, "Greg, look under your feet." He was sitting in the passenger seat of my van.

"Do you see a bag there?"

He pulled out the ziploc bag that I had been driving around with for almost two weeks and looked at it.

It wasn't spackling compound - it was Matt! Thank God I didn't try patching any holes with him.

Apparently I had been bringing Matt with me everywhere I went, too, and didn't even know it. I guess it's better than having him stuffed under the bed like he was from the time I picked him up from the funeral home until right before I moved, but oh my goodness - I couldn't believe it. We actually got a good laugh out of that one! Black humor at its best, I suppose. (You really have to have a sense of humor about this stuff...)

I had to call his mom and tell her the story because I knew she'd get a laugh out of it (which she did), and if Matt was there, I know he would have, too!


Crash Course Widow said...

Love it!! ;o) (And yes, gotta have--and keep, and love--a widda's black humor for things like this. ;o))

I had a similar (in spirit) moment with Charley's ashes, immediately after his service ended. I was holding his stainless-steel box (um, urn, I guess) for some reason, and a friend and I were having an earnest, back-and-forth, fast discussion about what to do with him "for the night" until he would be buried 2 days later. Take him home with me, to the open house at our home? Keep him in the vault at the funeral home? We went back and forth, debating the merits of this, that, and the other option. But where on earth would we put him? Alongside the dip on the food table? Or, Hmmm, but wouldn't he be lonely in the safe?, etc. etc. etc. And then we turned around and realized, to our horror, that the funeral director had been right behind us the whole time, witnessing our little conversation...and he had the oddest expression on his face. My friend and I had fits of laughter over it later, once he walked away (after we told him to put Charley in the safe, in the end).

Oh yes. Gotta love widow humor. ;o) Hugs, my friend!! Miss you!

Shannon Kieta said...

OMG Andrea, I was laughing hard and realized, should I be laughing? I am glad you said you were laughing too! Yeah, thank goodness you DIDN'T use Matt to fill in any holes around the house! If you would have, you wold have NEVER been able to move again! Matt would have been a permanent fixture there, and you would have had to take the walls with you when you leave!! Haha! Oh well, at least you are seeing a lighter sidde to things. If that happened a year ago, you probably would have lost your marbles to that one!

HeidiDater said...

That reminds me of a Dear Abby letter from long ago where the husband told the wife if he ever died he was to be cremated, mixed in with some paint, and painted onto the bedroom ceiling. Can you imagine if you had spackled with Matt? It would be like little eyes watching you all over the house!

Wendy said...


Ashley King said...


VERY thankful you didn't try to patch any holes with him too!!!

when my father passed away, my stepmother had decided to give us some of his ashes. i didn't know what i would do with them, and it made me a little bit nervous to think about transporting them or losing them. and then i found a necklace that i ordered.... it was a solid sterling silver heart that holds his ashes.

now, i don't know if it's too late to do something like that, because i had purchased the necklace right when my father passed away, but that's always an idea. (not that you asked for one).... but it's a bit comforting, that when i'm going into difficult situations, or something incredibly important to me (like my wedding), i had my dad there with me.

i hope you have a wonderful week!!! =)

Heather said...

I'm glad you figured out that was Matt before you spackled him into one of the less desirable parts of the house-like the laundry room.

Humor is very important in this. After my grandma's funeral, my aunt, cousins and I were laughing about how I was going to be holding up two baggies in my wedding photos-in one hand would be Dad and the other would be Grandma. Morbid, but we thought it was hilarious. My uncle, brother and James, however, did not find it nearly as amusing. :)

When James died, I got two little heart-shaped paperweights from the funeral home that match his urn. They put some of his ashes in each. I have one, my MIL has the other. So now even if I spread his ashes some day, she and I will always have a part of him.

Rachel said...

I work at the funeral home and I totally understand this!

Carol Scibelli said...

Whoe - funny - funny - funny...nothing like black humor...makes me almost wish I had cremated my husband - hmmm...