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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

This morning...

Jacob and Sydney are watching one of their Blue Planet videos that they love as I'm putting laundry away in the kids' room.

Out of the blue, Sydney runs up to me and says, "My daddy is in my heart!" as she's patting her heart with her right hand. "MY heart! My daddy is in MY heart!"

"Yes he is, sweetie. He IS in your heart!"

And with her sweet little innocent face and wide eyes, she said excitedly as she's bouncing up and down, "Can I see him? Can I see him, Mom?"

And then my heart shatters into a thousand pieces.

4 comments:

Glenda said...

Ohhhh Andrea... my heart aches for Sydney. Sending you and the kiddos hugs XXX

Ashley King said...

i've recently joined your group of followers....

i don't think any of us know the "right" words to say.... however, today, i felt compelled....

and you don't have to listen to me, because i haven't been through this, but i strongly believe matt will be as alive as you make him (for your children)....

i can only IMAGINE how difficult it must be to face your children on a daily basis, while trying to juggle your own emotions.... i was a single mother for 6 years, and struggled with trying to explain that her father WAS alive, but just chose not to come around.... i didn't build him up, but i didn't break him down either....

i say that when she asks can i see him? you hold your heart together, even if it takes all of your strength, and say, yes, we can see him!" and bring out a beautiful picture of him for her to see.... tell her how handsome he is. "daddy sure is handsome, isn't he?" smile and wave and him... "hi daddy."

i had a hard time with my daughter too, and i KNOW it's entirely different, but i found that the more happy i was about it, the happier she was too.... i'm glad you are able to vent on here and share with the world your heartache, because at the end of the day, i know how hard it is to have spent your ENTIRE day taking care of everyone else's feelings but your own....

and although, i can't take care of your feelings for you, i sure wish we could help....

i think by the sounds of it, you're doing a wonderful job, Andrea.... keep up all your hard work.... it's slowly paying off....

Anonymous said...

Andrea,
I agree with Ashley...I know when my mom passed my next door neighbors little girl came up to me and wanted to see Grandma DooDoo(moms nickname)And I sat with her and we closed our eyes and we thought up of great place she loved being with grandma and pictured herself there with grandma holding her and playing with her. We had a blast!! She opened her eyes and said something like "thanks now I can carry her in my my heart everyday". And ran off. I haven't thought about that in years.

Misty said...

oh my goodness... I've never actually been to your blog before. I saw it linked on the blogher add and switched over. Wow. This seriously ripped my heart out. What you must go through... I am so sorry, but I know that doesn't help.

bless you, and know that all the way over here in Idaho- i am thinking about you today.