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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Some quotes from the past few days...

Me: "Jacob, I love you SO much."
Jacob: "Ahhhhh... That makes me explode into a confetti of hearts."

Sydney: "I LOVE pickles! Pickles good!!"

Yesterday... (3/1/10)
Sydney: "Mommy, where'd my daddy go?"

Sydney at dinner tonight (3/2/10): "Where'd my fork go?"
Jacob, while she was looking for her fork and she said 'no thanks' to more crab meat: "Sydney, you don't know what you're missing!"
Sydney's reply: "My fork! My fork is missing!"

Tonight after I gave Sydney her bath and was putting lotion on her, Jacob was looking at her and claimed he could see through her skin into her body. He was telling me where her heart was, that he could see the valves and veins, her bones, her bladder... When he was "looking" at her heart, he said he could also see Daddy in there.

When I was tucking Sydney into bed while Jacob finished up his bath, she asked for the umpteenth time where her daddy is. My explanation varies a little each time I explain it to her, just to avoid sounding like a broken record. Tonight, I explained to her that he is in her heart, and even though she can't see him, he is still with us.

Me to Sydney, continuing the conversation: "Maybe when you close your eyes and dream, he'll come into your dream and say hello and let you know how much he loves you."

She said, "THAT'S my daddy!!" and settled into bed, snuggling under her covers with a big smile on her face.

6 comments:

The Jagow Family said...

Never really know what to say other than "thinking about you"...so thinking about you and your family!

You are so good at keeping a journal of those little conversations. Treasures later in life!
Take care!
michelle

letterstoelias said...

Caia asked me for the first time the other day where Daddy is. It broke my heart. I was a mess the rest of the day.

I guess for some reason I just came to assume she knew since she didn't ask. She repeatedly will sit down at the dinner table and look upwards and happily exclaim, 'Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!'. The other day she even did something funny, while looking up, and said, 'Look Daddy'. If I asked her where he was, she would wave her arms all around, or point to her heart, or point in the air.

What I'm trying to come to accept is that their level of understanding will constantly be changing. They will have different ideas of things and ask different questions - or the same questions - over and over again. It's just one of the things that makes this so very hard.

Tracking the quotes is such a wonderful idea - I'm sure they will appreciate that when they are older.

~C~

Andrea Renee said...

Thank you, Michelle!

C - how old is Caia?

Danielle said...

I wish that we could think in such simple terms as children do. Life would be so easy!

Jennifer M Karn said...

When my husband died suddenly my four kids were 12, 13, 16 and 17. I felt so lucky that they were older and would not only have many memories of him, but he was with them long enough to have influenced their lives. Now, after reading your posts I think you are lucky, too. Lucky because they are young and innocent enough to freely express their feelings, talk about him and ask questions about him. Mine won't say his name and will not discuss what happened or even reminisce about him. It's very hard.

Your kids have a long road ahead of them and I'm sure the emotions will change as they grow. They probably can't fully express themselves at such a young age, but at least they talk about him...they're keeping him alive that way.

letterstoelias said...

HI Andrea,

Caia is just about 2 1/2. She was 19 month when Elias died - and my older daughter is now 5 (well, in 4 days . . .) and was just over 4 when Elias died.

Not too far off your two, I believe?
~Chelsea