I should have known better than to try to undertake a project like this and expect to actually get it done with a five year old and a two year old under foot. Every time I would make some progress, they tore something else apart. Between that frustration, and the emotions that were stirred when I came across some of Matt's things, I was a mess and my nerves were completely shot to hell. His sneakers, gloves, hats, swim trunks, biking shorts, sandals... Each time I come across these things, it feels like he just died the day before. I end up saying the same things: "I can't believe it. I can't believe you died. Fucking nightmare. How can this be possible?" and on and on.
I was in such a bad way that I actually called one of my neighbors to rescue me. I'm not good at calling people when I need something, but I did it not just for me, but for my kids. I was being so short with them, and it wasn't fair to them to make them suffer for what I'm going through.
Helen lives a couple of doors down, and she came to my rescue. Thank God. She took the kids back to her house for a few hours. Her two little ones were sleeping, and then when they woke from their naps, all four of them played together. I got SO much accomplished during that time. Still need to put the Christmas stuff away, but at least I have somewhere (even a designated spot!) to put them once I get that done.
When I went over to their house to get the kids, it looked like they were having a party! A bunch of our other neighbors and kids were visiting, too. Just a typical Saturday in the hood! Rene and Helen told me that they're taking me out for a girls' night this weekend, too. Wooohoooo!!
Have I mentioned how much I love living here??
Jacob and I were talking for a little bit after I tucked him in tonight...
Jacob: "Momma, I have a question for you. Did you know my grandma's mom?"
(Earlier today, I was telling Jacob about Grandma Row's mom, Grandma Munn.)
Me: "Yes, I knew her. I got to know her, and talk to her a lot. She was a smart, funny lady."
Jacob: "Do you still know her?"
Me: "Well, I knew her when she was alive, but she's not alive anymore."
(We already covered this today, that she died before he and Sydney were born.)
Jacob: "No, I mean do you STILL know her?"
Me: "Yes, I remember her. I never want to forget. That's why I talk about her, and that's why we talk about your daddy all the time. I always want to remember him, too."
Jacob: "When we were in your belly, did you want us for one hundred thousand weeks?"
Me: "I wanted you my whole life."
(You should have seen the sweet smile on his face at that.)
Jacob: "I wanted you my whole life, too."