At night after the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, I like to go out to my backyard, stand on the deck for a few minutes, and take in the view.
The sky is usually clear, and there are a surprising amount of stars out for being in such a densely populated area. I would have thought that out here, where there is more ambient light, there wouldn't be as many stars visible as there were in the rural area I used to live in. I look at the beautiful king palms that I can see from the other side of the block. The perpetually blooming fuchsia bougainvillea that grow on the back of the house and the side of the privacy fence. The wooden play structure that Matt built for the kids that used to stand in our backyard in New York.
Matt loved taking Jacob outside at night to look at the moon. He would have him in his arms, and they would both look up into the night sky. I don't think I have a picture of that, which is kind of odd, considering that when Matt was alive, I always had camera in hand, capturing the many sweet moments of him with the kids. The image is forever burned into my memory, thank goodness. Matt would also take Jacob out onto the back porch during a thunder and lightning storm to get a better view (we won't see any of those here). There was no greater aphrodisiac for me than seeing my handsome husband being so genuinely tender and loving with our children. At three, Jacob knew the difference between a full moon and a crescent moon.
Now when I look up at the moon and stars, I think of how those are the very same moon and stars that Matt used to see. Who knows - maybe still sees them, only from a different view.
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.............