Well, what one person thinks is really bad, isn't necessarily so bad to someone else. I guess since I've mostly been a "good" girl most of my life, I perceive some of the things I'm doing as "bad." So, perhaps I won't go straight to hell after all. =)- I'm just going through some sort of rebellious stage. Ugh. The freakin' stages. The best way I have found to describe my journey so far is three steps forward, one leap back. I know I'll get there someday; I just need a break once in a while.
I did feel better after getting all that off my chest in my last post. Plus, the love I got since has helped immensely. It also helps so much to know that I'm not the only one having these tormenting, conflicting, crazy thoughts and emotions, so thank you so much to those who responded (I knew there had to be someone else out there!). I'm very sorry that so many of you are able to understand first-hand, and have to endure this, too. And to those who don't understand, I am truly happy that you don't. I don't wish this on anyone.