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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Tonight

A year ago tonight... I talked to Matt on the phone for the last time, and he told me I shouldn't wait up for him since he would be home later than usual. It was around 8 when I talked to him the first time that night, but I was tucking the kids into bed and told him I'd call him back when I was done. I had him say goodnight to the kids on the phone, which was a rare occasion. I called him back around 9, and he explained that he was covering someone else's shift and that he would be home late (it's in a post from last year)...

It was a year ago tonight. On a Friday night, early Saturday morning. I'm so glad my friends are here with me tonight. To wake up tomorrow morning, a year later.... I don't know. A part of me doesn't want to wake up at all, but at the same time, I still do. I do want to go on, but reluctantly, without my love.

15 comments:

michele said...

There are no words...I'm just so sorry. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Cammie said...

Andrea, you have been heavy on my mind and in my heart these last few days. I will be thinking about you and the kids tomorrow. Im so glad you have some of "us" with you!! You are guaranteed to get a few smiles from them right?
xoxo
~Cammie

Alicia said...

Remembering is so hard... and yet we would not forget one moment of it.

Wishing you a measure of peace today.

Kelly Syferd said...

I am so glad you have some of us there with you. I hope you feel all of our love.
Much love.
Kelly

Boo said...

I'm thinking of you and Matt today xxx

Rachel said...

I'm sorry. This makes me so sad.

MandyMy said...

Thinking of you and your family today! Lots of love and hugs your way!!

Mandy

letterstoelias said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart is with you and the kids.

I'm so glad you have friends with you at this time - and just know that there are also many like myself who, though we don't know you aside from your blog, are with you as well.

~C~

Amy form VA said...

I'm so sorry, Andrea. Always thinking of you.

PBandJazz said...

Andrea,

I am glad you are not alone. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonight especially.

Marla said...

I'm praying for you and your family today.

Mel said...

I've been thinking of you.

I hated the 1-year anniversary, and it was really hard.

But you can do this. Nothing is as bad as what you've been through already.

And now, unlike a year ago, you have an even larger support staff. You have people who you knew before but hadn't realized how there for you they would be.

And people who can help you through this because we've been there before.

We are all here with you, crying for you, caring.

Much love,

Melodie

Shannon said...

Andrea...
Thinking of you and your family at this heartbreaking time. It has to suck big-time. But look at it this way...
Look how far you have come in one year. You have...
Survived, sold our house, bought a new one, half way across country, made a whole new batch of friends, kept your kids safe and happy. Made a whole new life for you and your family.
Honestly Andrea, you are one of the strongest women I have ever known. I don't usually compliment people often, but you are amazing! I will keep you in my prayers. Shannon

Crash Course Widow said...

Awww...Hugs, Andrea. I remember that first-year anniversary all too well. I hated it, hated everything about it. I'm glad for you that you're not alone...although please don't hesitate to take some alone time--company or not--if you feel you need it. I was never able to really break down unless I was alone, and I remember distinctly needing a few moments where I didn't have to be holding it together, upbeat about our upcoming move and that we were supposedly doing "better," during the anniversary.

Hang in there, my friend. I'm so sorry it's been a year already, but I'm also relieved for you that the first year is now behind you. Not that anything radically changes once you step into year 2, but that first year is so incredibly awful that I'm glad you don't have to go through it in the same way again.

Much love you and your little ones, and to Matt too. I wish I'd known him.

Love you lots,
Candice

jawyllie said...

Dearest Andrea,

We'll be thinking of you and your beautiful kids today, wishing you the best and peace on this anniversary of Matt's death.

Jane