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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

Kept Jacob home from school today... He felt good enough to go to school yesterday, but by the time I picked him up, he had been crying for the last couple of minutes and wouldn't tell his teacher what was wrong. He told me, "I'm sick, Mommy!" Poor kid was running a low-grade fever and just felt like crap.

Today was the first monthly awards ceremony for the school year, and Jacob was going to get an award. I asked his teacher yesterday what happens if I keep him home Friday - will he still get his award? He suggested I bring Jacob in at the time of the awards ceremony and take him back home after, so that's what we did. My big boy stood proud and tall on the stage of the auditorium holding the award he received for adjusting fabulously to kindergarten.

It's day two after my sister's surgery, and she is in some serious pain. The doctor said everything went really well, and that it's a good thing she had the surgery because her back was even worse than what they had anticipated. I just feel terrible that I'm not there for her, when she was there for me during some of the darkest days of my life.

The kids and I had a nice day together. We took it easy with Jacob not feeling so well, but we painted, rested, ate, played some, did puzzles, read books, went grocery shopping after the awards ceremony. It's so pleasant when you can just hang out outside whenever you want because the weather is warm, sunny and dry. Best of all (for the time being at least), being a stay-at-home-mom for the first time affords me the luxury of being a more relaxed mom with time to actually enjoy my kids and not be perpetually rushing to the next order of business. We're eating better, too, because I have the time to put a little thought into meal planning, and the time to prepare them. Two things threaten to pull the plug on this luxury, though... not selling my house in NY soon, and COBRA lapsing and needing to get some health insurance coverage for myself. The kids are covered under Anthem Blue, but they denied me coverage since I have some pre-existing conditions (even though I still consider myself young and healthy). I'll end up having to get a job to cover the extra cost of the health insurance, which will end up costing me more because Sydney will have to go to daycare which costs an arm and a leg, and Jacob in an after-school program, and probably more meds to help me cope with the added stress which will add to my already pre-existing condition. Stress kills, you know. But, I digress...

Bathtime, book, prayers. Took turns laying with each of the kids for a few minutes in their beds. After a long silence, this was Jacob's and my conversation:

Jacob: "You know, Mom, some moms and dads have the same job place."

(The way he was leading up, I thought for sure he was gonna drop another "you know, other kids get new dads" bomb on me again...)

Me: "You're right, they do. In fact, your daddy and I used to work at the same place for a long time, until he got his new job."

Jacob: "Yeah. And you know what?"

Me: "What?"

Jacob: "He died at his new work."

Me: "I know, honey."

Jacob: "Now you don't have anyone to help."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Jacob: "You don't have anyone to help, but I help you."

Me: "Yes you do! You help me a lot, and your sister is a big help, too. Your daddy would be so proud to see what great helpers you guys are."

Jacob: "I love Uncle Bryan. He's funny."


Shannon said...

That's cute! Kids do say the darnest things! Uncle Brian? Is that your BIL? Hmmmmm! That's an interesting thought! You never quite know what is going to come flying out of kids mouth's. Sometimes I just hold my breath. But I am glad you can take your time and relax and be a stay at home mom. Your house will sell soon. Then you can breathe ALOT easier. I hope your sister is feeling better. I know how you feel. I felt helpless when my sister was going through chemo. I wanted to be with her and I had a newborn and a 3 year old. It was hard, but she understood. Just like your sister understands you have your hands full...very full. Just knowing your there in spirit is enough. Take care Andrea!

AndreaRenee said...

Eww no - he's my brother...
I'm so sorry about your sister, Shannon.

Dani said...

It's so cute and funny that kids can have such profound things to say and then suddenly move on to other subjects like it's no big deal. What a blessing to have your little ones around.

Boo said...

I love the way that children vocalize their thoughts to seek affirmation ... and as soon as they receive that affirmation ... they go off at another tangent, because it's dealt with. And it's the way they do so happily, usually moving onto something that they like or find funny (like your brother!) Very cute. You are a wonderful Mom, leaving them blissfully clueless about your worries re health care and mortgages. I hope you take a moment to reflect on this and feel proud, because, to be honest, there are Moms out there - who still have their husbands - and they aren't nearly as maternal or protective or thoughtful, nor do they provide such a stable environment for their little ones. I know for sure that your soulmate will be immensely proud of you. I am too xxx

Crash Course Widow said...

Don't you just love the random ways their little brains jump from one thing to the next. I keep waiting for "that day" when the hard questions don't stop so easily and Anna actually reacts emotionally to the tough things she's asking about--her dad, death, etc., etc.

I'm glad you're enjoying getting to stay home now. Staying home with Anna for the last 4 years since Charley died was both wonderful but extremely hard. Having had the smaller taste earlier this spring of working full-time as a single parent to a kid who'd require full-time daycare...I'm not sure what I think about it. Guess I'll have to get used to it next year, once Anna starts kindergarten.

Keeping my fingers crossed that your house sells soon. Been there, done that two too many times now. Hang in there....


Jessica Harrison said...


I have read your blog for a long time, but don't think I ever posted. I found you through Matt and Madeline's blog. I just want to say I really admire you and the way you are handling things. Your husband would be so very proud of you and your kiddos. Here's to you, Andrea, for a fresh start in life. Good luck and take care!