I miss my husband. I miss him with every part of my being. I hate being a single parent when I had such a wonderful father for my kids, and the best partner for life. He was the whole package, and then some. I hate living my new life without Matt. I miss my old life. My old life that included him. Nothing will ever be the same. I can never be as happy and fulfilled as I once was. My heart hurts so much that it's hard to breathe sometimes. I hate that my children don't have their daddy. I hate that I go to bed without him anymore, and don't get to wake up to his sleepy face. I want to talk to him so badly. I'm so thankful his company didn't completely cancel his phone service so I can at least call and hear his voice say his name. I'm having a hard time being thankful for the wonderful things I still have in my life right now.
I'm having a moment, a moment that will pass, but in the meantime, I'm holding on to it and wallowing in it. Just for the moment.