My photo
Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I miss him.

I miss my husband. I miss him with every part of my being. I hate being a single parent when I had such a wonderful father for my kids, and the best partner for life. He was the whole package, and then some. I hate living my new life without Matt. I miss my old life. My old life that included him. Nothing will ever be the same. I can never be as happy and fulfilled as I once was. My heart hurts so much that it's hard to breathe sometimes. I hate that my children don't have their daddy. I hate that I go to bed without him anymore, and don't get to wake up to his sleepy face. I want to talk to him so badly. I'm so thankful his company didn't completely cancel his phone service so I can at least call and hear his voice say his name. I'm having a hard time being thankful for the wonderful things I still have in my life right now.

I'm having a moment, a moment that will pass, but in the meantime, I'm holding on to it and wallowing in it. Just for the moment.

19 comments:

Suddenwidow said...

Breathe deeply and repeat..... I'm so sorry that you and your kids are having to live without Matt. It's not fair!!! I hope that knowing there are others out here who understand your pain and sorrow helps to lighten your burden just a little.

Rick said...

((((((((((((ANDREA)))))))))))))

and more hugs "OOOOOOOOOO"!!!!!

I know what your going through.....

Michelle said...

((hugs)) Praying for you sweetie!

abrandname said...

For what it's worth I have been following you for about a yearish now and I think you are stronger than you think. Your beautiful children will grow to know that you held their father in high esteem and they will be wonderful for it.

I don't wish your struggle on anyone. But I wanted you to know that you have a right to these moments and when you can't breathe and you feel despair just look to the sky and know that someone in Massachusetts is thinking of you.

Megan said...

(((HUGE HUGS))) Andrea.

Tracey said...

Take all the moments you need. (((HUGS)))

Cammie said...

xoxoxoxoxoxox
LOVE YOU!!!!!

Glenda said...

sending you hugs! XX

Dani said...

We all need our moments. I feel for you. *tear*

Boo said...

Someone said to me recently that the periods of bad pain are when we are healing and working to heal. Then why aren't widows given 5 years off work because this is a full time job in itself!

You have been amazingly strong (compared to myself for example) and now you have moved and done what you had to do ... the pain had to hit you again.

Breath, breath, be still and it will pass.

Love to you Andrea xxx

PurpleDogMommy said...

I can't say that I have experienced your kind of loss, but I just wanted to say that I'm so very sorry. You write in a way that I can almost feel the way you are (in a tiny way) feeling.

You must be an extraordinary Momma..:)

Jen Hodder said...

Wallow all you want...it's good for the soul!

In my experience, I feel much more energized and refreshed afterward...almost like I needed to get it out of my system.

I continuously keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Anonymous said...

I can't say I feel your pain from experience but I sure felt it after I read that post.......you are allowed to grieve / feel sorrow and pain and just remember that you are not alone and YES your kids feel their Dad everyday...he is with you. I suppose you are feeling a different type of alone as you have just had a MAJOR change....deep breaths.
HUGS from Canada...
Deb

Danielle said...

*BIG HUGS*

Shannon said...

Andrea....
You have every right to have a "moment". You can have a "moment" anytime you want. You have been such a rock for so long. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am sending my arms to give you great big hugs, and remember I am here if you need me. Shannon

Stephanie Piontkowski said...

((HUGS)) Andrea. I hate that you have to feel this pain.

Love and miss you

Amy from VA said...

I am so sorry, Andrea. Thinking of you, the kids and Matt.

erynn said...

Andrea, I feel like I wrote this. I know how you feel and I know it doesn't take away the pain. thinking of you! xo

Anonymous said...

Amen!!