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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The next couple of weeks...

Tomorrow morning, Jacob goes to his Kindergarten doctor appointment where he will get four or five shots (my poor little love), and the necessary form filled out for registration.

In two days, we will be having a moving sale. Or, maybe we should have entitled it a "moving/estate" sale. Matt's parents are in town and are taking the lead on this, thank goodness. It's completely daunting to me, as it is for them. Going through Matt's things - our things, and determining what will get sold, what his brothers might want to keep, what I might want to keep, either for myself or for our children someday.

In seven days, Matt's brothers and their families, my dad and step-mom will be arriving in the Buffalo area.

In eight days, we're having a big family party.

In nine days, my brother, sister and their families, plus about 20 of my friends will be arriving into town.

In ten days, it will be the first annual 5K in my husband's honor to help fund the trust fund that Cameron's employees have set up for our children. Kristin of Cameron has been busting her butt to put on this event, as have many Cameron employees at the Buffalo location who have been greatly affected by Matt's loss.

In twelve days, all of our belongings are going to get packed up by the moving company that Cameron hired for us (what a blessing that I won't have the work and expense of this). My vehicle is also going to get picked up to be shipped out on this date. Most of our family and friends will be on their way home.

In thirteen days, our household goods will be loaded onto the moving truck and on its way.

In fifteen days, my mother-in-law and father-in-law will be taking the kids and me to the airport in what was my husband's truck. Jacob, Sydney and I will be on our way to our new home and new life in California, and Matt's parents will be on a cross country adventure to eventually bring his truck to its new home with Matt's brother Jeff in Arizona.

I'm completely and insanely overwhelmed by all of this. Our impending move, getting ready for the sale, preparing this house for showings (praying it sells), trying to mentally prepare myself to see it empty, leaving our friends and family, everything I've ever known, not to mention all the other million little details in between.

I knew it would all be hard. I guess I just wasn't prepared for exactly how hard it really is. Leaving this life behind. Our life. Getting it through my head that Matt is now a part of my past. Not my present or future anymore. I look at pictures now of him with the kids, and they look so much younger than they do now. They've changed so much in the past nine months. I guess I have, too. I'm someone who I never thought I'd have to be. Who I never wanted to be.

19 comments:

Boo said...

OMG, the thought of doing that with Cliff by my side would be daunting. Please let everyone help as much as they will, and it sounds like they are willing :-)

I hope you have another numb period to get you through, or some seriously strong coffee.

Just keep the image of that little Spanish style house in your mind's eye and carry him in your heart.

Good luck with everything, I have a feeling you will do it, and do it well ... but PLEASE take some time to relax when you arrive in California otherwise you will burn yourself out and get ill.

TAKE CARE my friend, hugs and xxxx

Cammie said...

hoping that the arrival of 20 of your friends will make you smile once or twice next weekend!!! Im SOOOO excited to meet you and the kids!

Jill said...

You will be in my thoughts as you get through the next few weeks... Hopefully being busy will ease some pain and allow you to get through it all without too much grief, but I know the grief will always be in your heart.

Best wishes for a safe move and look forward to hearing about your arrival in Cali.

Shannon said...

WOW, Andrea, You lost me on the second thing you had going on! I really don't know how you are holding it all together. I wish you all the luck in the world. I knew you were a tough cookie, but I don't think I realized just HOW tough you really were. You blow me away girl! I hope you accomplish everything you set out to do. But always remember your roots, and where it all began. But most of all, remember, Matt is with you..ALWAYS! Shannon

Glenda said...

You have so much going on that hopefully you will be numb enough to get you through it all. Then once you are all settled in CA then you can acutally take it all in. Just think positive and it's all for the good of yourself and the kids. Take care! XX

Amy said...

those 20 friends are there for you in Buffalo, in CA, and everywhere in between. Can't wait to see you and hug you, Andrea.

Deena said...

Wow Andrea, you have so much going on right now! My thoughts and prayers are with you during this huge transition time in your life. I just know great things lie ahead for you and the kids in CA.
Deena

eastmoormom said...

andrea...gotta listen to the Rascal Flatts song Forever.....
baby...it is going to be ok.....we've been promised



right?
hold on tight and let folks take the reins right now...wish i would have had a chance to get back to buffalo/OP to have met you in person...

Anglea said...

Andrea...you are an amazing person, you know that. These things are happening because they are the right things for you and your children. Things are just falling into place, that's no accident. You are surrounded by loving family and friends and of course Matt is obviously helping you through this, too. Whether you're in the house in Buffalo or your new home in CA, Matt will ALWAYS be a part of your life. Good luck with all that you have going on right now. Wish I could be there with you next weekend but know that I'm only a phone call away if you need me for anything. And I'm ALWAYS there in spirit. Love you!

Rick said...

Always praying for you Andrea and Matt!!

You are an incredible young woman and God is going to guide you along the way.

Keep riding the calm seas and stay afloat during the storms and you will one day find acceptable happiness.

AndreaRenee said...

Part of what's getting me through all this is all the loving thoughts and prayers you all are giving us - even those who haven't commented... Thank you!! XOXO

woolies said...

hi - I'll wish you strength and calm in the storm of the next few weeks.
Just stumbled on your blog, and wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. How empty those words sound, but my 5 minutes on your blog made me ache for you.
Warmest wishes

Dani said...

I came by via Cammie's blog ad Life in the house of no sleep, and I'm so glad I did. I'm aching for you and brought to tears. You are so amazing, from just this little piece I can see of you from the blog. I'm sure it's only a tiny pin prick in who you are- and that must be amazing! I'm so sorry for your loss and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Boo said...

Andrea, I know that you won't be posting because there aren't enought minutes in the day for you right now ... but just dropped by to say that I'm thinking of you and hoping that all your plans are running smoothly. xx

Cliff Fazzolari said...

Good luck, Andrea - you'll do awesome - Going Cali - cool!

Ansia said...

You don't know me and I don't know you, I only found your blog tonight. Sadly I have joined the club nobody wants to be part of - 6 months ago. I too have little babies (5, 3 & 18 months) and my husband was killed at work too. Thank you for writing so honestly about your survival beyond the loss of a great man. Your writings have helped to normalise some of what I'm feel. Thanks again.

Jamie said...

Dear Andrea,

We don't know each other at all, but I was sent a link to your blog today and I have read several entries. I am a recent widow...6 weeks since my husband Jay passed away. There are some differences in our circumstances, but many similarities...it brings up a lot of emotion reading your blog.

Even though we are complete strangers, know that I am praying for you and your children. I live in California too, so feel free to contact me anytime if you just need someone to talk to. Ldybutterfly1128@aol.com

Also, here is the link to my blog in case you want to know about me and feel better knowing that I'm not some weird stalker or serial killer.

Take care, Andrea. Blessings to you.

Jamie

Notes From the Grove said...

I know you posted this a few weeks ago, but I hope all is well. I'm glad you have so many people in your life that love you and help you. California should be beautiful this time of year. I hope the weather is being kind to you.

Maggie May said...

Just coming by through Matt's blog and had to say something, after reading such soul bearing. I think I was here a few months ago too. I am so sorry you have to leave the house and life that you built with your love. It's shit. It's unfair and it's just crappy. When you are in your new Cali home (I live in Cali- in SD) I hope you find a peaceful, safe haven to heal in.