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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

A week from today...

Not only is today my first 4th of July without Matt, but in one week, it will be Matt's 40th birthday. I know that day is going to be especially hard for his parents and brothers.

I plan to get an ice cream cake (his favorite), and the kids and I are going to sing Happy Birthday to him. I don't want to break that tradition. Matt's mom said they plan to do the same on the other coast. It will still be his day - on both sides of the country.

All three of his brothers celebrated their 40th birthdays in a big way - a trip with the whole family (brothers, wives, older kids) to Vegas. I'm pretty sure it was Vegas all three times... I was either pregnant or nursing a newborn each time, so I couldn't participate, but I fully intended to plan and participate in this birthday celebration. I wasn't sure exactly what we were going to plan for him - I wasn't convinced Vegas was where he really wanted to go. I was thinking more like a trip to Mexico - maybe San Felipe like we had done in the past.

Before Matt and I were married, we met his whole family in San Diego and drove down to San Felipe. We camped in tents on the beach in November. It started off cold, but each day got warmer and we ended up extending our stay. It was so beautiful that no one wanted to leave. Even though I ended up with bronchitis, I didn't want to leave, either. I felt a little bad keeping everyone awake with my coughing all night long, and I felt like shit, but it was still fun! When the tide was out, we walked far out into the ocean and collected lots of beautiful sand dollars (that I ended up leaving at Greg's in San Diego). I even took part in riding one of his brothers' quads over the doons, and got pretty daring at it.

Tent camping wasn't in the plans this time around, so a condo was a consideration. His mom was going to help me plan, but we never got the chance.

I was going to take the kids to see some fireworks last night, but it was raining, of course. I'm so sick of rain! Someone said to me a while back when I was deciding about moving to California, "Everything is easier to deal with when the sun is shining."

I can't wait to get my ass out there.

Especially since I'll have another hurdle to get through this month... Our 7th wedding anniversary.

I'm just not in the mood for fireworks tonight.


Boo said...

hey Hon ... obviously here in the UK we don't celebrate July 4th ;-), however someone along my street is American so they let off some big fireworks ... and I stood in the dark bathroom with very negative body language, waiting for them to stop, because fireworks were a big fun thing for Cliff and I (and our rottweiler LOVED them). What date is your wedding anniversary? Our 8th wedding anniversary will take place on the 21st THIS MONTH TOO ... arghhhhh, what are you planning to do on yours and let me know when it is please. Perhaps we can share any "coping strategies" we might think of? Good luck with the packing and the big move. I think you're right - sunshine can make you feel more positive and more energized - thinkingof you x

Shannon said...

Oh Andrea...
Happy Anniversary! And for Matt, Happy Birthday. You have a busy month. My B-day is on the 30th of this Month and I'll be the big 4-0 next year! Soon enough you will be in sunny skies! I know how you feel about all the rain. It was only 69 degrees here in the daytime, and the wind was horrendous! What a fourth! Bleh! Seems like the whole year is going to the shitter eh? Hope it gets better for you!

Marla said...

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I hope that it will get a little better each and every day. You will never forget, but maybe someday you will be able to push the pain back and just rejoice in having all the good times.

Rick said...

All I can say, is that I feel your pain.

I does get better, I can attest to this, but the reality of "actually being gone" never really does, but I believe that is a good thing(??).