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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Seven years ago today...

Right about this time, I was getting my hair styled into a fancy up-do, attached to a long, white veil. A little while later, I was to step into the gown that would carry me through the day with my feet never touching the ground. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Matt and I were finally making it official! He was going to be my husband, and I was going to be his wife. We were going to start our new life together - married, and that would give us the "license" to have children together someday - soon!

Our family and friends were all in town to celebrate with us. Matt was typically a casual dresser, but that day, he was all decked out in a tuxedo, and my goodness... I didn't think it was possible for him to be any more handsome. And Oh My God - I get to spend the rest of my life with this big, strong, hunky, loveable man!

It was a scorching hot summer day, but as the girls and I sat in the air-conditioned limo on the way to the church, Pink's "Get the Party Started" came on. I thought that was such an appropriate, fun song for that moment!

I will never forget standing in the front of the church, facing Matt, as he was about to become my husband. It felt like we were the only two people in the place. We stared into each other's faces, and that's all we could see. We were in awe that we were finally standing here, in wedding attire, promising to love each other forever no matter what, surrounded by everyone that loves us. Starting our new life. Seven years ago today.

We never could have imagined that each day after that, we would love each other even more.

I never would have imagined that our life together would come to an end so soon. So abruptly. So violently.

This morning, Jacob asked me how babies got in my belly. I told him that it's a combination of things, but mainly, it was Daddy's love, Mommy's love, and God's love that all came together to make him and his sister. That answer was sufficient for him. For now...

26 comments:

Kerri said...

Hugs to you.

Kelly Syferd said...

(((HUGS))) Andrea

JoAnne Funch said...

anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, all are difficult and all are counted following the death of a loved one so significant. There are so much thought of what might have been. Many are thinking about you and willing to hold your hand during these difficult times.

JoAnne Funch, founder, friend & widow
Heartache To Healing

Marla said...

I'll be praying for you on this day. Know he's smiling down on you.

Suddenwidow said...

(((HUGS))) I hope your beautiful memories bring you some peace today. My latest favorite quote is from Dr. Seuss: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Thinking of you today.

Debbie

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

What a sweet tribute to your love! I'm thinking of you and glad you're remembering those joys today.

So sorry I couldn't make it to the widows' conf! Would have loved to meet you.

X

Supa

Mommy of twins said...

I don't know you & you don't know me, I just recently found your blog thru Matt's and I have cried many tears for you, while reading your story. Thinking of you today, just know that he is watching over you!!

Cammie said...

thinking about you today Andrea, cant wait to give you a real hug next month instead of all these cyber hugs!

Stephanie Piontkowski said...

Andrea - many hugs to you.
I remember seeing your wedding pics, you & Matt looking as happy as ever.

Much love to you. Really looking forward to seeing you next month.

Megan said...

Many (((((HUGS))))) for you!!

Crash Course Widow said...

Sending you many, many hugs to make it through today (and the following days). That first wedding anniversary can be so hard after being widowed. Mine was horrendous, coming 5 months after Charley died.

But there's also that flip side that you're excited for things--like your move--in the future, things that distract you, make you excited and happy...so who knows...maybe today isn't *quite* as bad as you might have expected. You just never know how grief is going to work. (And who knows--this year's wedding anniversary might not be so bad, given all the good, hopeful things going on with you right now, and next year might be the icky one...but I sure hope not.)

Missing you and your sunshiney face (and your stripperiffic dance moves ;o))! Wish we could all be together to help you celebrate and remember (and hand you the Kleenex box if needed) what was an absolutely perfect magical day, seven years ago.

Love you! Hang in there!

anniegirl1138 said...

The first wedding anniversary was hard. This year would have been our tenth anniversary.

Hugs to you.

Boo said...

sending you my love and hugs - wrap yourself up in his love and the beautiful memories, let the tears wash over you .... cuddle those lovely children. I am thinking of you, and have been all day xxx

matt_in_the_los_angeles said...

fucking sucks.

thinking about you today.

Ranch Girl said...

I came upon your blog accidentally and while I have not ever endured the tragedy you have in your life, I feel compelled to continue reading. You are a truly inspiring person for being able to get through what you have. Since I first read your blog, you've been in my thoughts and prayers each day.

Glenda said...

Andrea, sending you hugs and just hold on a little tighter to the kids today. Just remember the time you did have together and how much you both loved each other! Sending you hugs! XX

Mel said...

Thinking of you, dear Andrea. I hope you are sleeping soundly at the end of what was probably a long day.

My anniversary was Friday of our S weekend. Since Saturday was an extension of Friday, you celebrated my anniversary with me ;)

Sarah said...

(((hugs))) to you.

But what a great explanation you gave Jacob.

Shannon said...

Andrea...
You have such a way with words...you had my heart pounding as if I were at your wedding waiting for you to walk down the aisle all over again. I am sure you were as beautiful as Matt was handsome. It is a terrible ending to a wonderful beginning. But you will always have those memories and NO ONE can take those from you. Still celebrate your milestone of seven years... I am sure Matt is celebrating in Heaven. Happy Anniversary Andrea and Matt!!

Danielle said...

Thinking of you today!

Michele Neff Hernandez said...

Hi Andrea,

I hope you don't have a grief hangover today! The love you shared on that beautiful day seven years ago really does last forever.

Holding you close in cyberspace...Michele

eastmoormom said...

our anniversary was yesterday the 28th.....and it is finally the 29th now...phew wee...

this is a bitch aint' it?

AndreaRenee said...

I can't tell you guys how much it means to me to have all your love, hugs and words of support that come from your hearts. I know that's a BIG part of what got me through this day, and every other day (that, and the denial that I posted above)...
Sending love and hugs right back to each and every one of you. XOXO

Rick said...

((((ANDREA)))

Rick said...

I knew it was your anniversary, thought about calling...then decided not to. Maybe it was more for me than you. As you know, I've been a fan of your blog from affair, only being able to go on once and a awhile...it is still so very difficult for me to accept that Matt is gone. Sometimes I think I should be further along in my grieving process, but then I remind myself of our history. Spending 40 hours a week for 15 years is a HUGE chunk of my life! I miss Matt everyday...I think of him, everyday. Just today on my way home from work, I counted on my fingers how many months it's been since I talked to him...it made me sad. I'll do my best to leave more commments for you on my memories of Matt. Take care...hope your closing went well, I was thinking about you today.

erynn said...

sorry I'm late... just catching up...

I hope your babes were able to bring some joy on your anniversary. People always tell me "you will always have a piece of P through his children." Do they think that helps? I want him, damnit. xo

Hoping the move goes smoothly!