This morning, I dropped Sydney off at Aunt Jennifer's and Jacob at preschool, and then came home so I could finish cleaning for the showing. I pulled into the garage and sat there, looking around, taking it all in, knowing that I won't be looking at all this familiar scenery for very long. I looked out at our long driveway and remembered how well Matt even cared for that, sealing the black top every spring. I looked at the shed - the shed that's probably built better that some people's homes, and picture Matt, his dad and Jacob as a toddler, all working on it together. Three generations of Row boys...
I looked to my left where Matt's truck is parked and tried as hard as I could to see him sitting in it. Just like when I give the kids a bath, I look behind me at the door and try so hard to envision him peeking in, and then coming in to sit with us while the kids are in the tub. Kind of like when I'm laying in bed, and I try to hear the garage door open and close, the sound of his footsteps walking into the house, and into our room. Kind of like when we're at the dinner table and I look at his empty chair and try to picture him sitting with us. Lately when I'm driving around, there are times when I actually see someone in a truck that looks exactly like Matt - tuft of hair on his chin and all. I see him everywhere.
I had to force myself to move so I could get out of the van. Had a minor breakdown as I was getting the rest of the house cleaned up. I was just finishing putting some nice, fresh vacuum lines in the carpet when at least ten agents showed up at the front door.
As I expected, they ooohed and ahhhed - loved every square inch. One of them said she wanted to buy it! The reason they were there was a bit painful (they all have to see it so if people call to inquire, they will know what they're talking about), but it felt good to get a chance to share the beautiful house that Matt and I built with these people who see other people's houses all the time, and to hear the great things they were saying as they walked through each room taking pictures. One of the agents was on the phone with a client, telling them about the house as he walked through.
As soon as they left, my attorney called with an update. I get off the phone w/him, and there's a knock on the door from a man in a police uniform, and of course my pulse quickens and my heart drops into my stomach. It's Matt's friend Dave, who he used to play softball with. He saw the sale sign that the agents just put on the lawn and stopped by to say hi and see what was going on. Said he's been keeping an eye on the house for us, but wasn't sure when it was a good time to stop by to say hello. It's nice to know that people are looking out for us, even when we aren't aware of it. After a short visit, he left and I went my doctor appointment. I won't even get into that one...
I left their office, get in the van, and call my sister to give her the update on my crazy day so far. She tells me she talked to my mother today and got some not so great news about my Uncle Frankie.
Again, I have a hard time forcing myself to move, so I finally muster the strength to leave the parking lot and go grocery shopping. While I'm in the store, my real estate agent called. They already have two interested parties to show the house to - one at 7pm, one at 7:30. Holy shit.
I made arrangements to have the kids stay with Aunt Jennifer for the majority of the evening so that while the house is being shown, I would go to dinner with my friend Kim and take a breath.
On my way to pick up the kids, I got another phone call from my real estate agent, telling me that one of the interested parties is actually very interested and that he would get back to me in the next day or so with more information. Oh my goodness.
It wasn't long before Matt died that I actually vocalized the words, "I feel like I'm living the Groundhog Day movie - same thing... day in and day out." I am eating those words now. All I can say now is, be careful what you wish for, and also be cautious of the words you say outloud. They are very powerful.