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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Leap of Faith

I'm gonna do it. My children and I are moving to California! I'm excited and scared. More excited than scared, though, which is probably a good sign! Everyone I know is completely supportive - including Matt's parents and my parents, and that means so much to me.

I have to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post, too, because when I hear from complete strangers who are able to remain anonymous (and friends!) that I'm not royally screwing up when they can actually say, "You're out of your ever-lovin' mind, lady!" makes me feel pretty good. (Yeah, I finally figured out to allow non-bloggers to comment... I am so not computer savvy.)

My beautiful home is going on the market as of tomorrow and I will be flying to California to look at houses and hopefully find one I love and will want to call 'home.' I'll be renting a car for the first time, too! Not to mention driving for the first time in California... I'm a bit intimidated by that, but I'll adjust. Heck - if I can survive the past six months, I can do anything. Plus, I have GPS!

I think one of the things that clinched the decision for me was the realization that I need something to look forward to. I feel like there is nothing here for me anymore. None of the things I used to look forward to mean anything to me anymore without Matt here to share them with.

I signed the contract last week to sell the house. The real estate agents are coming over tomorrow morning to walk through, take pictures and put a sign on my lawn. Booked my flight to go house hunting. Cleared out a bunch of stuff over the weekend - clothes and shoes that the kids have outgrown and/or will no longer need (winter gear!), loads of sweaters (mine), some toys, and recycled all my Parenting Magazines. Gave the kids' clothes to people I know who will put them to good use, will donate my stuff to the Good Will, and gathered things for a yard sale taking place this weekend at the school I work at. It really feels good to lighten my load. Matt's family will be taking a lot of things back with them when they visit in August for the 5K, including Matt's truck. Now I just have to find someone to take my piano. Anyone want a piano??

I am really looking forward to a fresh start. The song "Closing Time" from Semisonic came on the radio yesterday, and this line said it well: "Every new beginning starts from some other beginning's end."

18 comments:

Cammie said...

Im so proud of you Andrea. I know this was not an easy choice for you. I hope you and the kids have a beautiful new beginning ahead of you as you continue to heal
xoxo

Dianne said...

Andrea, Congratulations on making such a huge decision. The decision-making process is so emotionally exhausting...it is always such a feeling of exhilaration when the decision has been made! Your children will love their new surroundings no matter where they are as long as they are in a household of love and affection. I am sure your husband would be proud of you for the way you are handling all of this and for the way you are raising his children. Best wishes on your househunting trip! (I found you from Matt's blog many months ago. Reading your story has helped me to appreciate and value my husband so much more every day...Thank you!!)

Anonymous said...

congrats on your move to ca. i can't agree more with you, you gotta stay busy during difficult times, otherwise you'd want to curl up in a corner. so happy for you! remember, home is where the heart is and matt will always be a part of you and your children. XO

Trinity said...

That's an awesome song & that line is so very true. Good luck with your house being on the market & with finding a home in California!

Ashley said...

I think you've made a good decision and I'm glad that you're finding support in it!!

Notes From the Grove said...

You are so very brave! Good luck to you and your little ones. Sometimes a fresh start is exactly what you need. -Brittany

Anonymous said...

I too found your blog on Matt Logelin's. You are now stored as one of my favorites. Honestly, there are only a few things that I fear in life. And one of biggest fears that I have is losing my husband. We don't even have children yet. To read your blog, see your strength, brings chills to me. You are smart, strong, and such a wonderful mother. Your kids are so very lucky.
I pray that each day finds you feeling more peace and comfortable than the day before.
Good luck in California...You are making a wonderful decision. You must take care of yourself before you can be anything for anyone else..Right?
I just wanted to let you know that people in St. Louis are praying for you and we will continue to follow your blog :) Your an inspiration to more people than you will ever know...

Blessings,

Jessica Dimitro
jessicadimitro@yahoo.com

Tina said...

Hugs and best of luck to you and your children! I am so happy that you have found a spark of excitement in your heart after such a terrible tragedy. Your story makes me hug my husband a bit tighter and realize that life has no guarantees! California WILL hold great things for you if for no other reason than your positive attitude! Warm wishes to you as you transition through this bitter-sweet change.

Tracey said...

Best of luck, Andrea! You know you have all of our support. We love you and only want the best for you.

Anonymous said...

I too found your blog on Matt Logelin's. Congratulations on making a fresh start. Your husband would be so happy you are taking care of your family and yourself! Your story is very moving and you are a strong, strong person you deserve a change, and a new beginning!

Kelly said...

I am so proud of you. I bet you Matt is looking down on you and is proud of you too.

Rick said...

Awesome Andrea!! You are doing the right thing!! I can tell by the tone of your writing that you are happy and excited and that brings a smile to my face!! A fresh start is what you need. I am VERY proud of you and I sense there is some healing going on. Make sure to always look forward and remember Matt is always with you!!! There are no wrong decisions in life but great opportunties that need to be taken hold of. You are going to be successful because you are a VERY caring, spiritual, intelligent, independent, good looking young lady and will go very far in life!! Matt is VERY proud of you!!!!

May God Bless you and protect you in your new life and take away any fears that may come your way and fill your heart with all happiness!!!

Shannon said...

Good Luck Andrea! Hope all goes well with you. You deserve a fresh new start. May god be with you and your children in finding happiness. Shannon

jeana said...

Good Luck Sweet Pea! Lots of love headed your way

Kerri said...

Andrea,
I have been reading your blog for awhile now and just cannot imagine you going through what you have been through.
Congrats on making this decision. Reading your story has changed my outlook on life. You have made a difference in my life. Stay strong and remember you have to think about your future and the future of your child. Hugs
Kerri

Meghan said...

Such wonderful news Andrea. Glad to see you're coming out to the beautiful California. I think this is something Matt would want you to do.

K said...

So excited for you, Andrea! I know the what it's like to anticipate a big move, I've done it many times! It could get stressful, but try to enjoy -- you're right, it's a GOOD thing!

Island Roys said...

I think this is fantastic! Congratulations! I'm so excited for you and that song line is perfect.