I'm gonna do it. My children and I are moving to California! I'm excited and scared. More excited than scared, though, which is probably a good sign! Everyone I know is completely supportive - including Matt's parents and my parents, and that means so much to me.
I have to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post, too, because when I hear from complete strangers who are able to remain anonymous (and friends!) that I'm not royally screwing up when they can actually say, "You're out of your ever-lovin' mind, lady!" makes me feel pretty good. (Yeah, I finally figured out to allow non-bloggers to comment... I am so not computer savvy.)
My beautiful home is going on the market as of tomorrow and I will be flying to California to look at houses and hopefully find one I love and will want to call 'home.' I'll be renting a car for the first time, too! Not to mention driving for the first time in California... I'm a bit intimidated by that, but I'll adjust. Heck - if I can survive the past six months, I can do anything. Plus, I have GPS!
I think one of the things that clinched the decision for me was the realization that I need something to look forward to. I feel like there is nothing here for me anymore. None of the things I used to look forward to mean anything to me anymore without Matt here to share them with.
I signed the contract last week to sell the house. The real estate agents are coming over tomorrow morning to walk through, take pictures and put a sign on my lawn. Booked my flight to go house hunting. Cleared out a bunch of stuff over the weekend - clothes and shoes that the kids have outgrown and/or will no longer need (winter gear!), loads of sweaters (mine), some toys, and recycled all my Parenting Magazines. Gave the kids' clothes to people I know who will put them to good use, will donate my stuff to the Good Will, and gathered things for a yard sale taking place this weekend at the school I work at. It really feels good to lighten my load. Matt's family will be taking a lot of things back with them when they visit in August for the 5K, including Matt's truck. Now I just have to find someone to take my piano. Anyone want a piano??
I am really looking forward to a fresh start. The song "Closing Time" from Semisonic came on the radio yesterday, and this line said it well: "Every new beginning starts from some other beginning's end."