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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jacob is really missing Daddy.

Today, Jacob has made several references to Matt...

"Do you know I wish my Daddy was still alive?"

He said it this morning before I took him to school, and again when I picked him up, and a couple of times after that.

He also told me he has dreams about his Daddy. I asked him how those dreams make him feel, and he said "happy."

He said he also remembers when Daddy died. He remembers him after he died, at the funeral home. He was telling me how he remembered handing out the little round candies to everyone there. When he said that, I instantly remembered the taste. I will never eat another spearmint anything.

He's remembering little details I forgot all about. One of the things I know he remembers (he's recalled it before but didn't mention it today - yet) is how Daddy's skin felt "dry" when he touched him, and how he didn't open his eyes. This is the kind of stuff no kid should remember. The words, "My Daddy died" should not be uttered from a child so young, but I know we're not the only ones.

On one hand, I'm a little afraid of what he is going to say next, but on the other hand, I'm comforted by the fact that he is starting to be able to verbalize more of what is going on in his head, that he's comfortable talking about it.


Kelly said...

There is something so heartbreaking and so heart warming about the depth of emotional smarts your son has. I wish he did not have the experience of not having his Daddy with him to make him so reflective. But the way he processes it amazes me. I can not imagine how hard it is to carry on raising a family with such a huge loss but you do it with such grace.

AndreaRenee said...

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Kelly! He is an amazing kid.