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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Another day down.

When we had Matt's memorial service, I was in a daze. Thank God for that shock/numb stage that happens initially when you lose a spouse. Unfortunately, that wears off with time. Going to Jeff's funeral today was not only difficult because, well, it was Jeff's funeral, but because it stirred up so much emotion from Matt's memorial service. It brought it all back, but without that numbing effect. I guess it's sort of like having surgery without anesthesia.

I was wishing Matt was sitting next to me in that church, his hand in mine, me hugging his arm, head resting on his shoulder. I'd give anything for just five more minutes with my love.

I was also thinking there are now five young kids without their dads. Not to mention all the fallen soldiers' kids. There's a lot of dad-less kids out there these days.

Tomorrow, yet another hurdle. I go to a meeting at Cameron about the fundraisers... Walking in that place is a challenge, but I'll do it any chance I get to show my face there. They go about their lives and business as usual, but when I come in, it reminds them about Matt. I don't ever want them to forget. Life as I knew it, and as my kids knew it, will never be the same. I just wish I could stop replaying certain things in my head, like the knock on the door, the look on the officer's face, the words coming out of his mouth...

4 comments:

Michelle said...

((hugs)) You will never forget, but I promise it does get easier to deal with over time. Here's to a better day tomorrow.

eastmoormom said...

you know i check in on you...thought i would look up where wales center is...had told christa (your friends friend that knows me...)that we should hook up sometime this summer....and guess what...
I graduated from Orchard Park HS>...you are so close......weird hu? monday is almost over...your week is already on its way...

AndreaRenee said...

Wow - what a small world! I'd love to get together with you this summer! Thank you for checking in on me, too. xoxo

Stephanie Piontkowski said...

Just thinking of you Andrea
((HUGS))