Matt's company has stepped up with setting up a trust fund for Jacob and Sydney's education. As wonderful as that is, and as much as I sincerely appreciate what they are doing for my children, I still can't bring myself to forgive them for what they've taken away from all of us.
They have set up the 5K in Matt's honor to help fund the trust, and they are also planning a golf tournament with the same goal. One of the men at the company who is helping to plan the golf tournament, also happens to be the "safety engineer" for the plant Matt worked at. He is the one that explained to us that it was normal for a test engineer to be in the Plenum Room while the compressor was running. He's also the one that told the police that engineers are not allowed in that room when the compressor is running. He is one of the primary people who should have ensured that the proper safety measures were in place so that an accident like Matt's never happened in the first place. He is one of the people I hold accountable.
He is the one that emailed me about the information for the golf tournament.
Seeing his name in my email inbox made my stomach churn and my blood boil. It took me until last night to finally muster the energy and stomach to respond to his email. I just can't bring myself to "thank" the bastard for the work he's doing on this tournament...
I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I looked over the flyer, and the only thing I can think of to change is Sydney's name - spelled Sydney (not with an i).
Although I really do appreciate all the work that you are doing to help with this golf tournament, I would appreciate it if Scott is my contact person regarding this event. I can't help but feel angry when I see your name in my inbox considering you are the safety engineer, and Matt died because of the unsafe conditions. I wish I didn't feel that way, but I can't help it.
I do know of several people interested in participating in the tournament. I will give Scott the info in the near future.
On one hand, I hesitated to send the email because it does imply I hold him partially responsible for my husband's death and I'd hate to think he's gonna go and slit his wrists now because of the overwhelming guilt that might be eating him up (if he has any conscience), but on the other hand, the S.O.B. got off REAL easy with that email, and in general.