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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sanity Hanging on by a Thread

I went to my attorney's office yesterday. I hate driving in the city, but hate parking there even more. The purpose of my visit was to find out what the heck I'm supposed to do with all this estate crap. I keep getting all this stuff in the mail that says "consult with your attorney" but I have had no direction from him on what to do with any of it. I called him up a few weeks ago to let him know that I needed some official form regarding the estate so I can change the titles to the vehicles into my name (lots of other stuff hinging on that) and he didn't even know what form I needed. He said he would speak to his secretary and get back to me. He never did. Mind you, he's a wrongful death atty whose firm also handles estate matters, but still! I finally figured out the name of the document I needed and requested it from his secretary. Then I thought, hell- I'll just make an appt with him and find out if he still wants to handle the estate matters, or if I should find someone else who will. That's pretty much what I told him when I got there. I also told him he should be telling me what I need to do - not the other way around! He took it well, I have to say. I thought for sure he'd get defensive. There's another attorney in the firm that specializes in the estate stuff, so I was able to meet with him. Nice guy, but I really didn't need to know the history of estate laws and what I might need to do 10 years from now. After I finally got him back to the here and now, I got the information I needed and left. I was exhausted after all that, and it was barely noon.

My next agenda was to visit my friend in the hospital. I get there, and his wife takes one look at me and says, "He's sleeping." No "hello, how are you, kiss my ass." She basically told me she doesn't want visitors except for family. I couldn't logically see the reasoning behind that and we exchanged a bit further on the subject. I stayed for a bit and visited with his other family who didn't seem to mind me being there, and then I left. I get a call a little while later from her saying she doesn't know what my interest is in her husband but that she doesn't want me to go back at all. I told her I've worked with him for 6 years and he's my friend. She said something accusatory and I lashed out. She said something else I didn't catch because of my stupid bluetooth, and then she hung up.

I'm mourning my husband who has been dead for less than 3 months, and she thinks I'm after hers? WTF? How did my life get so complicated??? Just a few short months ago my life was perfectly simple... married to my wonderful hubby, hoping he'd get put onto first shift soon so we could actually see each other, working full time, taking care of our two beautiful kids, spending time with friends. Simple. No drama. I HATE drama, and now look at my life. I could write a f***ing book. I am so. f***ing. angry. How did things get like this? I want my old life back!

I'll abide by her wishes and stay away. Not for her, but out of respect for his family and his other friends who apparently haven't been banned from visiting (must be all men). They don't need any more drama than they're already dealing with, and Lord knows I don't need it. I was going because I hoped that somehow I was helping Jeff and the other people there supporting him, but I think I'm too bitter and angry to be any good for anyone at this point. I think this grief crap has taken it's tolll on my sanity. What I really wanted to say to her was, "At least your husband is alive, you ungrateful bitch!" I mean, don't normal people take some comfort in the fact that so many people care and embrace them for it - not turn them away?

And here I am, wanting to tell off this woman whose husband is in the ICU. Something is wrong with me. I think I need to look for another grief counselor.

Cliff, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. And I also meant to mention to Jim and your mom when I was there that maybe Jeff's legs should be propped up w/a pillow underneath them. My sister has spinal stenosis, too, and she can't sleep one night flat on her back without being in agony the next day, let alone day after day being in the hospital like he is. Maybe it would take some of the pressure off his back, and maybe even his head by extending his spine a bit? It's worth mentioning it to the doc, anyway...


Cammie said...

ohhhhh, what a bitch. Sounds like you handled it way better then most of us would have.
love you Andrea....

zach05kate95 said...

Sounds like her emotions got the best of her. Good for you being the bigger person. (((Hugs))) On not being able to visit with your friend.