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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


A friend of mine found this poem and gave it to me in a card... I thought it was right on.

Please, don't ask me if I'm over it yet.
I'll never be over it.

Please, don't tell me he's in a better place.
He isn't with me.

Please, don't say at least he isn't suffering.
I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.

Please, don't tell me you know how I feel
Unless you have lost a spouse.

Please, don't ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.

Please, don't tell me at least you had him for so many years.
What year would you choose for your spouse to die?

Please, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
Please, just tell me you are sorry.

Please, just say you remember my husband, if you do.
Please, just let me talk about him.

Please, mention his name.
Please, just let me cry.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that people are afraid to talk to me about Matt because they think it will upset me. I LIKE it when people talk about him - it keeps him alive, it makes me feel good. It helps me remember. It helps me to laugh. I might even cry, but that's OK - I'm gonna cry anyway, so please don't feel that you can't talk about him to me.

One other thing... Everyone thinks that they should downplay their grief because of the fact that I am his widow. It's all relative. Everyone is sad. Matt's death has had a major ripple effect on a LOT of people, and effected many in a VERY big way. I would never think someone isn't entitled to their pain because of mine.


Michelle said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Take your time, sweetie. Grief is a difficult thing and healing doesn't come quickly. Personally- it took me 4 months to start to feel happy again after my dad died. And that was just the beginning. You'll be okay though. I'm proud of you for making it this far. ((hugs))

Cammie said...

Andrea, I am sorry I never knew him. I feel like I do now and it is only because you lost him. Someday I hope to meet you and really get to know him through you and your children!

Tracey said...

Ditto Cammie. I wish I had known him as well.