In the brief 18 months that Matt was in Sydney's life, he made a big impression on her. How do I know, you ask? I just know.
He was always the first one in her room to get her up in the morning, and she was always happy to see him. She didn't mind when he changed her diaper or her clothes. They formed a very close bond that I think is still intact. She cried inconsolably and wandered around the house looking for him for almost a week after he died. She looks at his pictures and excitedly shouts, "DADDY!"
Our nightly routine is that I tuck Sydney into bed first, and then Jacob. There have been several times when I'm in Jacob's room getting him tucked in that I'll hear Sydney shouting "Daddy" and laughing. I really get a thrill from that, because as crazy as it might sound, I really believe that Matt is there with her.
Matt and Jacob used to give each other "knuckles" more than high fives... Matt would put his fist out and Jacob would put his fist out to meet Matt's. That was just a Daddy thing - I never really got in the habit of doing that.
Sydney's been giving high fives right along, but just in the past week or so has started giving knuckles. Aunt Michelle gave her a high five before she left on Sunday, and then Sydney put her fist out to her.
I said, "Michelle, give her knuckles - I think that's what she's waiting for."
Sure enough, it was! Sydney gives knuckles! No one else has taught her that - that's a Daddy thing. It's stuff like that that I thrive on - believing that even though we can't see him, he is still- and always will be- in our lives.