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Matt and I were together for 10 wonderful years - met in 1998, married in 2002, until his untimely death on November 15, 2008. We have two beautiful, healthy children - Jacob (born 5/04) and Sydney (born 5/07)... the most precious gifts he could have ever given me.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Something...

One of my very good friends and I are embarking on a very exciting project... 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Fabulous Forty

I turned 40 years old in October, and I'm actually happy about it! 

It might sound strange to some, but not only am I grateful to have made it to 40, I finally feel like a full-fledged grown-up!

Finally following up!

"Y" has been a faithful reader of my blog for years now, and until recently, I only knew her as "Mrs. Prior" when she would send one of her sweet, supportive comments. When I posted about moving back to Buffalo this last time was when she realized that I'm from the Buffalo area - and it turns out she is, too! Her and her family were coming back to visit around Christmastime, and she sent me an email letting me know she had something she wanted to give to me. 

I can't tell you what a thrill I got that - first of all, she's still reading this even with these huge blocks of time between posts (which now will be less), that she thought of me in the first place, and she actually had a gift for me? How sweet!!!

We decided to meet at the mall where her sister has one of her salons. I was so looking forward to meeting this thoughtful woman, and for some reason, she was looking forward to meeting me! And if she turned out to be a nut, at least we were in a public place. ;) 

Well, not only is she not a nut, but she is one of the most thoughtful, intelligent and loving people I've had the honor to meet and befriend, and I'm so glad our paths have crossed. She is the kind of person that brings joy and love to people's lives just by being in it, and no matter how much time passes between conversations, you can just pick up where you left off with ease. Here is her post about our visit from HER blog

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Dating...

I know I said I was going to update with details from my previous post, but right now, I'm moved to write about this song I heard on the radio yesterday that I hadn't heard in a while...

"...If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, 
Threatening the life it belongs to..."

I've had insomnia going on a few months now, and I finally realized what I need to do to help me sleep. WRITE!! Gotta get these swirling words out of my head and write them down!

"...And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to..."

When listening to this particular set of lyrics, I was surprised at just how starkly accurate this describes how I feel about this blog.  This is essentially my diary, but because it's "out there," people will use my words however they want to - good or bad. The good, however, far outweighs the bad, so I continue.

As I told Jacob yesterday (trying to get him to open up about stuff), something I've learned over the years about myself is that if I didn't talk about what I'm feeling, I was inclined to think I'm weird and the only one thinking or feeling a certain way. But, when I've talked about it to others, I found I'm not alone with those crazy thoughts and feelings, and there's actually nothing weird or strange about them at all - they're completely normal. That's something we can all do for each other.

There is something I would like to clarify, though... I've recently noticed there seem to be a few people who believe that some of the things I've written here indicate that I have not, nor cannot, move forward with another man because of how I still feel about Matt.

This had been pointed out to me a few months ago by one potential date who came across my blog while doing the obligatory google search you perform on someone when you first begin dating.  He actually told me that I wasn't ready to date. First of all, no one can determine that but ME. It could be six months or six years, and it's STILL only up to me as to whether or not I'm ready to date. Secondly, the person that feels that way seems threatened by the love I have for my late husband. It has never, and never will make sense to me how anyone could be threatened by a dead man, or by love, but you would be surprised by the number of people who are. In this one particular case, though, I think he simply didn't want to accept the fact that I was just not into him, so he created these other reasons to soften the blow to his ego. Can't blame him, I guess.

I realize that by keeping my blog public, I run the risk of this happening more often, but I'm willing to take my chances.

I will never apologize for that love or attempt to diminish it. It is part of me and my children, as is Matt, and it's truly a beautiful thing. Everyone should be so fortunate. I have plenty of room in my heart and a desire for more. I have come to believe (or at least CHOOSE to believe) that there is more than one person out there who we can have such compatibility with - the yin to our yang, the peanut butter to our jelly... soul mates, if you wish. Seeing as how much I detest the whole process of dating, though, I hope it happens sometime sooner rather than later.

Another thing I noticed that's kind of funny is how most people feel that talking about an ex is "against the rules." Maybe I felt that way in the past, but the rules somehow get changed with life circumstances. And with age. Who makes up these stupid rules, anyway?? In my opinion, the relationships we've had in the past have a lot to do with what shapes us and who we become. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes; even from other's mistakes. It's not all negative, either - we're also shaped by the positive experiences. Maybe I'm also more accepting of this because I don't want to be told not to talk about Matt. Sharing our past experiences isn't necessarily a bad thing - it can help us understand the person we're trying to get to know. In the alternative, going on and on about the SAME THING isn't helpful to anyone... (Um, am I doing this? Tell me if I do this....) =/

Occasionally, I get emails from people who contact me through this blog because they found me due to their own unfortunate circumstances. My heart aches for these people, but it makes me feel good that I can positively impact even just a few with what I've written here. Because I'm associated with such an extensive and beautiful network of other widowed people, I'm able to put the people who contact me in touch with others with whom they can possibly get the most help from - or at least I try to.

My point of this post? Not exactly sure - I don't like "explaining" myself per se, but sometimes it's good to give some details to help others understand things a bit more clearly from another perspective; especially when I've encountered some prime examples over the last few years of men who almost had me convinced that I should stifle or somehow even feel bad about the love I continue to have for Matt. I know better now. "Be true to yourself." It's a good reminder to me, too, to not forget a very important lesson.

"No one can find the rewind button, girl..."

More to come... =)




Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Need to write SOON!!

There is so much waiting for me to write about.... getting to meet one of my faithful readers in person, a plug for an awesome book written by one of my hilarious widowed peeps, prayers going out to a couple of my readers (one being The Hairless Hairstylist) and just some of the stuff that's been on for the last few months. Stay tuned!

Right now, I'm just trying to keep my head above water preparing for the holidays - ahhhhh!!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE! XOXOXO

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Perfect.

He was 6'4", handsome as hell, fun, crazy smart and had a heart of gold. He loved us like no other man could ever love us.

He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Dear Matt...

Five years. Your brother Jeff counted 1825 days... It seems like an eternity, and to think of how much more time we have to be here without you is really depressing, but I count my blessings to be alive and able to raise our children - especially since you would probably give anything to be here with us to do the same.

In some ways, I've come a long way in these five years, and in others, I'm still kind of stuck. Thankfully, I've talked to some of my fellow widowed friends, and it's a normal kind of stuck - at least for some of us...

I'm finally done running away, and numbing the pain with the excitement of new relationships that don't last, trying to find someone to fill the void in vain.  Now I need to face some things head on that I'm sure I've been avoiding for the last five years. I'm not quite sure exactly what they are, but I think it's just a matter of staying put in one place and finally getting settled that will allow for more healing. At least I'm doing it with my head on a little straighter, and with my best friends by my side.

I still can't grasp the concept that I'm now older than you...

You would be so proud of your kids - they got all of your best traits! Your good looks, your intelligence (particularly for math!), and your spunky personality and sense of humor. Don't get me wrong - I take some credit... We were similar in some of those ways, too, which is probably why we got along so well!

Jacob dances to the beat of his own drum just like you, too. He thinks many rules don't apply to him, like you. ;) He is kicking ass in all his classes. Even though he's only in fourth grade, if I had to help him do as well as he is doing in math, I'd be lost. He thinks outside the box and comes up with unique solutions to problems. He has the kindest heart of anyone I know. He loves planting seeds and nurturing them and watching them grow. He harvested seeds from our bean plants so he can plant them again in the spring. Same thing with the marigolds. We've been having a lot of fun with gardening!

Sydney is a spunky little spitfire and gets more beautiful by the day. She's doing so well in first grade, and loves to read. She especially loves math! She takes ballet and enjoys every moment of it. She still looooves to talk. A lot. She adores babies - oohs and aaahs over them where ever we go. She has such a nurturing personality. She's talked about wanting to be a doctor when she grows up - I told her she might like to be the kind of doctor that delivers babies or takes care of babies. She might do a little fashion design on the side. We have lots of time to figure that stuff out...

Jacob and Sydney still play together well for the most part, but that sibling rivalry is kicking in a bit now with their ages. Fortunately, we're now living close to Karin and Connie and all the kids love playing together - plus, there's lots of kids in the neighborhood and that that we've met through school. The school is awesome and their teachers this year are really wonderful.

You know all this, though.... I know you're with us every day, and I'm so grateful for that. I'm especially grateful when I can feel your presence. I'm sorry for all the times I've cursed you out for leaving, even though I know it wasn't your choice.

We all appreciate you lending a hand with keeping your dad here a bit longer. Please give some extra love to your little cousin Jake who really needs your help. He is literally going through hell right now.

I love you and miss you every moment of every day. Every day until you're there to greet me at those pearly gates. I can finally say that I hope that's not for a very long time, though (for that, I've come a long way). I want to be fully present for our kids and help care for our grandchildren someday.

All my love forever...


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Interior Painting 101

I recently finished painting nearly every room in my home with pretty decent results. During and after this process, some of my friends have been asking me for advice on painting. I'm so honored that people think I did a good enough job to ask my advice - even the contractor who redid my kitchen and bath asked me for advice on the textured paint I used in the downstairs half-bath!

I'll do my best to cover any possible questions...

The first thing I did was go to my local Benjamin Moore paint store.  Matt and I always used Benjamin Moore with excellent results, and have a great rapport with the owners of our local store. It's Aurora Paint Pot in East Aurora, NY, in case anyone is wondering - they're awesome! (Benjamin Moore has a built in primer, goes on smoothly, and tends to dry quicker making it possible to apply a second coat sooner.)

Choose the paint colors you would like to use in the room(s) you would like to paint. This may take some time - you want to be sure of your decision because you're only gonna want to paint once. Bring swatches home, and if you really like a color, you can get a bigger swatch or even get a paint sample. Look at it in different lights. Too dark could make a small room seem smaller, too light could be blah. Be a little daring - color is fun! (After Matt and I built our house, every room was painted "bone white" until we could decide what colors we really wanted. Matt was afraid of color until I finally went over his head and made Jacob's new big boy room fun with color, and then he wanted to re-paint every room in the house!)

Next, get all the supplies you will need:
Paint (the store will give you stir sticks when you buy the paint)
Painter's tape (I highly recommend the green Frog Tape - it seems to be better at not letting paint seep underneath, and it comes off easier without ripping)
Paint can opener
Good angled brush for cutting in
Rollers and disposable roller covers
Roller tray with liners
"Handy" paint pail with liners
Damp rag for quick clean up of goofs
Drop cloth or old sheets for covering up furniture/floors
Step stool
and if you're doing ceilings, an extender pole (you can actually use the pole from your push broom if you have one - the head will unscrew from the pole, and the pole and paint rollers are compatible sizes)
Don't forget some good music!

Because I didn't want to keep putting all the paint supplies, etc. away every time I did a room, I decided to keep them out and paint all the rooms I intended to paint, one after the other. It was about a two week process, but with the mess that comes along with painting, it was worth it to have two weeks of mess and then clean up for good, then to drag out the process. I keep everything in a large Rubbermaid bin.

DOWN TO BUSINESS...

Take everything off the walls in the room you're working on and move furniture into center of the room. This includes switch/outlet plates. Make sure you do any repairs to walls beforehand so the spackle has time to completely dry and the surface is sanded smooth. Sand any bumps from previous paint jobs, and if painting over a somewhat glossy finish, rough up the service with some sand paper, too. The paint will adhere better that way. Wipe down surface of walls with a damp cloth. Tape all trim, light fixtures, etc. and throw sheets over furniture, etc.

Depending on how much time you have, you may want to do your paint prep the day before the actual painting. This process can be more time consuming than actually painting, but it's up to you.

Mix the paint and put some in the handy paint pail. Start cutting in with the angled brush - take your time! This is one of the reasons I tend to paint the ceilings the same color as the walls... (If you want to leave one wall in a room the same color and paint a different color on other walls, you can tape the wall you're not painting, and it makes a perfect line.) You may need two coats where you're cutting in, so go ahead and apply a second coat if needed. If you have to walk away from your project for a few moments while in the middle of it, put your paint brush in a ziplock bag so it doesn't dry out. If finished, clean off brush immediately.

Once the cutting in is complete, pour some paint into the tray and get your roller ready. Don't go too fast with the roller or you'll splatter more than necessary. Once you make your way around the room, you'll be ready for the second coat (another great thing about Benjamin Moore). If you're painting your ceilings, I would do them first to get them out of the way. Also, in case you splatter the walls with paint from the ceiling, they'll get covered up when you paint the walls.

When you're all done, carefully remove the tape. If the paint is dried over the tape, use a razor knife to make a slit so the paint doesn't end up peeling off when you pull the tape off.

TEXTURED PAINT.

I was going for an old-fashioned Mediterranean plaster look on the walls in my downstairs half bath. I researched it online, and several sites suggested using some expensive Venetian plaster with multiple steps, and requiring skill. I neither wanted to spend that much money (paint is expensive enough!), nor did I have that kind of time or those kinds of skills, so I wasn't willing to go forward with that plan.

I ended up getting sand-based texture paint (also Benjamin Moore) in the half-bath, and it turned out AWESOME. I found using a brush as opposed to a roller gave me the desired effect. I did up and down strokes, then went over them with side to side strokes. It's VERY messy, so use a drop cloth or sheet that you're willing to just throw in the garbage when you're done. Trying to use a roller will result in a bigger mess. Mix the paint VERY OFTEN - the sand settles quickly.

Whatever color you would like your textured walls is what you will paint them OVER the textured paint, and after it has dried (the textured paint might not have been 100% dry on my walls before painting them the desired color, but it still turned out good). The paint will provide a protective covering over the texture, making it also easier to wipe your walls when needed.

Well - I think that about covers it!! If anyone has any other questions, feel free to ask away! Happy Painting! =)